Unsupervised Shenanigans With Merf And Asherlee

Send us a text Chrystal’s out, which means Merf and Asherlee are left unsupervised—and naturally, chaos ensues. But beneath the laughter, w…

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April 24, 2025

Unsupervised Shenanigans With Merf And Asherlee

Send us a text

Chrystal’s out, which means Merf and Asherlee are left unsupervised—and naturally, chaos ensues. But beneath the laughter, we get real. We talk about fat liberation, therapy fails, the touch-deprivation epidemic, and how cuddle therapy can be healing AF. Plus, Asherlee opens up about launching a fat-friendly medical provider directory in the Pacific Northwest, her journey into cuddle therapy, and her newest adventure: relationship coaching. Spoiler alert: it’s all about connection. Also… pulverized clits? You just gotta listen.

In this episode, we discuss:

Fat liberation in healthcare spaces
How cuddle therapy became a calling
The ethics and boundaries of professional platonic touch
Creating a fat-positive medical provider directory
Asherlee’s path to relationship coaching
The wild new version of the magic wand
Why touch, intimacy, and connection are revolutionary

Hosts:
🎤 Merf (co-host)
🎤 Asherlee (co-host and chaos bringer)

Links Mentioned:
🔗 River Rose Cuddle Cottage

🔗 Chrystal's New Side Hustle

📧 Email us: bigsexychatpod@gmail.com

Support the show

BigSexyChat.com appreciates you and our community. We do this for you, so if you ever have any ideas about a subject we can discuss for you, email us at bigsexychatpod@gmail.com.

You can find us on Facebook and Instagram as BigSexyChat.
Twitter (who knows how long we will stay there) is BigSexyChatPod

Check out our merch at www.BigSexyTees.com (credit to Toni Tails for setting this up for us!)

Chrystal also sells sex toys via her website BlissConnection.com and you can use the code BSC20 for 20% off.

Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!

00:04 - Welcome to Big Sexy Chat

02:41 - Introducing Ashley as Guest Host

04:41 - Fat Liberation Talk Experience

14:11 - What Therapists Should Know

21:59 - River Rose Cuddle Cottage Origins

34:55 - Inside a Professional Cuddle Session

44:29 - Relationship Coaching Journey

52:04 - Pacific Northwest Fat-Friendly Directory

01:01:33 - Final Thoughts and Sign Off

WEBVTT

00:00:04.288 --> 00:00:05.812
Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.

00:00:05.812 --> 00:00:07.695
I'm Crystal, I'm Murph.

00:00:07.695 --> 00:00:13.147
We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.

00:00:13.147 --> 00:00:21.778
We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community cannabis, cbd you name it.

00:00:21.778 --> 00:00:22.681
We're going to talk about it.

00:00:22.681 --> 00:00:25.489
We are very excited to have you a part of our community.

00:00:25.489 --> 00:00:26.312
Welcome and enjoy.

00:00:28.981 --> 00:00:30.425
Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.

00:00:30.425 --> 00:00:34.761
My name's Crystal and I'm here with my fabulous co-host, Merv Sayimer.

00:00:34.761 --> 00:00:36.002
Hi.

00:00:37.384 --> 00:00:40.487
Wait, you're not Crystal, oh.

00:00:41.168 --> 00:00:41.709
I'm not.

00:00:41.709 --> 00:00:44.152
No, I'm not.

00:00:44.152 --> 00:00:46.295
I'm Asher Lee, you're right.

00:00:46.295 --> 00:00:47.695
You're right, I'm not Crystal.

00:00:47.695 --> 00:00:57.332
Crystal is out today because she's got some stuff she's got to deal with, so you and I are going to play.

00:00:58.401 --> 00:00:59.868
Oh, that's dangerous.

00:01:00.780 --> 00:01:02.768
This never worked out well for the audience.

00:01:02.768 --> 00:01:03.844
They're going to love it.

00:01:04.325 --> 00:01:04.989
It's fantastic.

00:01:05.299 --> 00:01:07.246
This is a very serious episode.

00:01:07.246 --> 00:01:10.647
Yes, we're very serious people, murph.

00:01:10.647 --> 00:01:13.769
Incredibly serious, very serious.

00:01:13.769 --> 00:01:20.102
I'm probably the most serious, the mostest At this age.

00:01:20.102 --> 00:01:25.914
I just don't think that I would cut them to a life less than serious.

00:01:25.914 --> 00:01:28.948
I can't park her posy, I can't do it.

00:01:29.480 --> 00:01:31.185
Oh, I can do the um.

00:01:31.185 --> 00:01:32.849
Oh, what is it?

00:01:32.849 --> 00:01:35.162
She says Piper.

00:01:35.162 --> 00:01:43.927
Oh sorry, no, piper, no, hurry, the best booty oh it's so good, all right.

00:01:44.120 --> 00:01:48.091
So welcome to Big Sexy Chats, hey Ashley.

00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:49.506
Thanks for filling in for Crystal.

00:01:49.506 --> 00:02:07.822
I know that there's a lot going on, but we're helping out and always you know, always there to lend an ear and we get that that kind of stuff happens and the great thing is that we are a trio and can step in and help the others out when other stuff's happening.

00:02:08.463 --> 00:02:09.828
That's what's great about frepples right.

00:02:10.689 --> 00:02:11.151
That's right.

00:02:12.092 --> 00:02:13.682
Can't be everything for everybody.

00:02:13.682 --> 00:02:14.264
It's fine.

00:02:14.264 --> 00:02:16.348
I got you, you've got me, she got we.

00:02:16.348 --> 00:02:18.413
It's cool, all good.

00:02:18.413 --> 00:02:21.764
So today we are going to talk about a couple things.

00:02:21.764 --> 00:02:27.093
Um one, I want to talk about talk that you gave.

00:02:27.093 --> 00:02:51.040
I want to talk about your talk, talk about your talk, and then I know there's some stuff you wanted to talk about yeah, which was uh, we want to talk about huddle college I was thinking, cuddling and um the process of all of that.

00:02:51.140 --> 00:03:05.335
I think you know if we can go into your coaching, that would be really cool, okay, okay and then, uh, another cool thing is the pacific northwest-friendly medical directory that's being created.

00:03:06.320 --> 00:03:07.646
There's lots of things to talk about.

00:03:07.646 --> 00:03:08.739
You can find things.

00:03:08.739 --> 00:03:10.848
They're very serious actually.

00:03:10.848 --> 00:03:11.923
This is just.

00:03:11.923 --> 00:03:16.167
We're going to take very serious things and make them not so serious.

00:03:17.099 --> 00:03:19.807
The existential barrier has set in.

00:03:19.807 --> 00:03:26.419
So right now we're just going to delulu and make it churlulu, right, absolutely, right, absolutely.

00:03:26.901 --> 00:03:39.687
There's only so much, there's only so much weight I couldn't hold my bones and tired Real I need, I need some silly, because there's just too much right now.

00:03:39.687 --> 00:03:42.614
Yeah, so yeah.

00:03:43.439 --> 00:03:44.324
So be silly with her.

00:03:44.324 --> 00:03:46.788
Which, exactly which one, you want to start with first?

00:03:48.401 --> 00:03:48.723
How about?

00:03:48.723 --> 00:03:49.687
You go, I go, you go.

00:03:56.305 --> 00:03:59.989
Okay, that sounds good.

00:03:59.989 --> 00:04:11.301
Qualified health center that covers a large portion of the Bay Area and a little bit into Sacramento.

00:04:11.301 --> 00:04:18.494
Services for medical, behavioral health, all low income.

00:04:18.494 --> 00:04:25.771
And they have just joined basically as a large, maybe became a larger company.

00:04:25.771 --> 00:04:28.519
Sorry, because they joined forces.

00:04:28.519 --> 00:04:36.651
Basically they were two different federally qualified health centers and they became one, and that's happening a lot right now because health care is consolidating.

00:04:36.651 --> 00:04:38.305
Has it passed?

00:04:38.305 --> 00:04:41.456
Yeah, and that's like what's happening.

00:04:41.456 --> 00:04:44.189
That's so terrible so, but they're both two great organizations, they're working things out.

00:04:44.189 --> 00:04:47.403
That's so terrible so, but they're both two great organizations, they're working things out.

00:04:47.403 --> 00:04:48.266
Everything's been great.

00:04:48.266 --> 00:04:58.555
So they asked me to come and speak to their staff in their series on humility for different cultural things.

00:04:58.555 --> 00:05:06.872
So, cultural humility series come talk about your experience, talk a topic, whatever it may be.

00:05:06.872 --> 00:05:11.809
So I was invited to come speak about fat liberation that's crazy.

00:05:11.829 --> 00:05:16.105
So the fact that you had, first of all, that you got invited to speak at this is so cool.

00:05:16.105 --> 00:05:26.052
Congratulations thank you but, then like but then the fact that you managed to sneak fat liberation in this I love that's real good.

00:05:26.052 --> 00:05:29.206
So like, how Did you talk to them about it ahead of time?

00:05:29.206 --> 00:05:30.971
Like, how did you?

00:05:31.639 --> 00:06:07.435
So this came about because I'm in a leadership cohort right now and I became really good friends and she's in my local cohort because we're in the same region and she has a job very similar to mine and so she basically was going with me on a trip down to the seminar and I was fat shamed on an airline and she got to see that process happen and she asked me about it and so it kind of became this discussion.

00:06:07.879 --> 00:06:23.142
Well, then on the way back it happened again and she was just like we got to have this talk like what is happening, and I was like this is a completely normal experience for someone that looks like me.

00:06:23.142 --> 00:06:30.045
And so we had this really fantastic conversation on the plane ride home about fat liberation.

00:06:30.045 --> 00:06:56.362
And so she was like would you be willing to come and talk to our organization about your experience and teach on the topic basically of what is it and how do you experience and how do you recognize it and how do you then address it in a healthcare setting as well as just as like a helper in the community of fatness?

00:06:56.362 --> 00:07:08.836
So that was really my kind of 101 on fat liberation and my personal experience my kind of 101 on fat liberation and my personal experience.

00:07:08.855 --> 00:07:09.177
That's amazing.

00:07:09.177 --> 00:07:10.117
Did a lot come out of it?

00:07:10.117 --> 00:07:13.706
I mean, I know that you've had other talks in leadership type of positions before.

00:07:13.706 --> 00:07:15.351
That really went well for you.

00:07:15.351 --> 00:07:17.346
How did this one go?

00:07:17.346 --> 00:07:18.041
Because I don't know that.

00:07:18.041 --> 00:07:20.410
I've heard how they took it.

00:07:20.410 --> 00:07:22.906
Because I know that can be very.

00:07:23.668 --> 00:07:29.687
Yeah, took it because I know that can be, that can be very.

00:07:29.687 --> 00:07:30.288
Yeah, um, it was.

00:07:30.288 --> 00:07:32.454
You know it was a during a um, a time where people can take a break, you know.

00:07:32.454 --> 00:07:40.300
So, um, I don't know, it wasn't a mandatory training for the entire staff, but I think there was like 50 people there, um, which was pretty significant.

00:07:40.300 --> 00:07:46.581
40 to 50 people, um, I think, off and on some people kind of dipped out and that sort of thing that always happens.

00:07:46.581 --> 00:07:49.047
So that was pretty exciting.

00:07:49.127 --> 00:07:52.673
But a lot of good conversation.

00:07:52.673 --> 00:08:01.786
In the comments, you know, gave examples, so I, you know, I asked for them to participate and they shared their own personal examples.

00:08:01.786 --> 00:08:14.910
We talked about what they experienced in the workplace and what are kind of like the key components to addressing that, and a lot of them were like I didn't even realize that I said those types of things.

00:08:14.910 --> 00:08:24.254
Somebody wrote, you know, I really appreciate you having this conversation because it's one that I've experienced at this organization.

00:08:24.254 --> 00:08:34.118
It's one that I've experienced at this organization and, you know, I'm really grateful that this organization would even address this topic as a cultural humility issue.

00:08:35.542 --> 00:08:46.163
I don't think that a lot of people realize how invasive it is and how much it's just, it's everywhere, it's not I mean the thing thing like it's with anything else, right.

00:08:46.163 --> 00:09:05.658
A lot of people in society didn't realize that there are certain words we don't say until, all of a sudden, people brought attention to maybe we shouldn't say those words and maybe we shouldn't be thinking those things and maybe like, until we challenge those norms, right, like nobody even thinks about it, it's just accepted because that's what it is.

00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:07.682
Yeah, it's not.

00:09:07.682 --> 00:09:11.893
It's not their experience to have that kind of consistent discrimination.

00:09:12.941 --> 00:09:15.886
Yeah, which I mean great Congratulations.

00:09:15.886 --> 00:09:38.350
I'm glad you don't have to deal with it all the time, but for those who do, I think the fact that you're bringing your, the fact that you've gotten the opportunity to help bring light to some of this and be such a voice in the shadows of this, is such a cool thing, because no one else you know, like when else would it have happened?

00:09:38.350 --> 00:09:45.724
Maybe somebody would have said something, and I know that there are areas where more and more people are starting to speak up and speak out about it.

00:09:45.724 --> 00:09:56.572
It's hard and there's a lot of shame and there's stigma and there's, you know, I mean it's still and it's everywhere, in every profession, across everywhere.

00:09:57.320 --> 00:10:14.626
Yeah, and the interesting thing is that when people don't feel like, oh, I didn't experience that, you know it's like, that's fine, you don't have to experience it, but you need to acknowledge that that has happened for somebody else and that that is their experience of it.

00:10:14.626 --> 00:10:20.543
And a lot, of, a lot of that kind of goes back to impact versus intent.

00:10:21.546 --> 00:10:46.402
Yeah, like doesn't matter, if you didn't intend to do something, you still created an impact and you have to acknowledge that that has happened yeah, well, and it's hard, you know, nobody wants to be in trouble, nobody likes feeling like they did something wrong, and owning up to that really is such a basis for growth and understanding of not just other people but ourselves.

00:10:46.402 --> 00:11:10.908
Speaking of like intent and all of that, this made me wonder, because I mean, I know therapists that I've interacted with and I know things that I wish that therapists would do differently, but I also haven't experienced a ton of it professionally.

00:11:10.908 --> 00:11:12.772
What do you think that like other?

00:11:12.772 --> 00:11:22.923
Like, if you could talk to every therapist in the country, what would you want them to know about fat liberation and what would you want them to do differently?

00:11:22.923 --> 00:11:26.990
Like in all of these things, like in all of these talks, what's the thing that you'd want them to do?

00:11:27.009 --> 00:11:29.453
naturally, how much time do we have?

00:11:29.453 --> 00:11:44.552
I would say, like, the key things that I would want them to take away is that everybody's body should just be accepted Like it.

00:11:44.552 --> 00:11:52.168
We need to make things accessible to everyone, and why are we resisting that?

00:11:52.168 --> 00:11:58.660
And if you are resisting that, I really want you to think about that, because what does it matter?

00:11:58.660 --> 00:12:03.182
Like I, me, existing should not impact you.

00:12:03.182 --> 00:12:08.625
Existing, you know, in any sort of way related to my size or your size.

00:12:08.625 --> 00:12:20.451
So that's what I want them to, like, really impart on their clientele is that everybody has worth to.

00:12:21.272 --> 00:12:27.495
You know, perpetuate this idea of like, oh well, you're keeping your schedule, that's great.

00:12:27.495 --> 00:12:32.918
You're, you know, exercising, you know kind of a lot, but not really addressing the topic.

00:12:32.918 --> 00:12:43.768
Or, you know, maybe, listening to somebody talk down about their body in session and not stopping the session and addressing it.

00:12:43.768 --> 00:12:52.472
There's a lot of things that, especially some of the older therapists you know they've gone through diet culture they say and do things that are not so great.

00:12:52.472 --> 00:12:54.302
So I was thinking about that.

00:12:54.302 --> 00:13:12.125
I was thinking about religious counselors, like those folks, you know, look at things a lot differently too, and so it's it's hard to say, like, these are the things that the therapists really need to take away about fat liberation, because it's like a human right, like we should all be able to just exist.

00:13:13.125 --> 00:13:18.509
That part is like a long winded like, but that's really what I want to impart.

00:13:18.509 --> 00:13:23.374
Like there's little things, there's nuanced things, but that's the thing.

00:13:23.374 --> 00:13:31.509
Pay attention to the fact that everybody deserves to have a body yeah well, and exist in their body as they are.

00:13:31.691 --> 00:13:41.081
And sure, it's okay if people want to improve, but that doesn't have to look the same for everybody and improvement doesn't have to mean a smaller body.

00:13:41.081 --> 00:13:50.663
Improvement can mean loving the body you're in understanding the body, you're in accepting the body you're in.

00:13:50.663 --> 00:13:55.091
I mean a lot of right we all.

00:13:55.091 --> 00:13:56.134
It takes so much.

00:13:56.134 --> 00:13:57.316
There is.

00:13:57.316 --> 00:14:01.043
The world is heavy, right.

00:14:01.043 --> 00:14:05.910
There is so much going on all the time right now, and we have.

00:14:05.910 --> 00:14:07.313
There are so many.

00:14:07.433 --> 00:14:10.264
First of all, there are so many people to hate.

00:14:10.264 --> 00:14:13.129
Already we have to hate ourselves too.

00:14:13.129 --> 00:14:15.734
It's just like too much.

00:14:15.734 --> 00:14:20.625
It's too much, but like it's just too much.

00:14:20.625 --> 00:14:25.153
Like it's like we're, we're told to do all these things right.

00:14:25.153 --> 00:14:29.365
We have to love ourselves but work on ourselves constantly.

00:14:29.365 --> 00:14:32.980
We have to accept ourselves, but ourselves are never really great enough.

00:14:33.883 --> 00:14:43.332
You know, I mean there's, there's always somebody who thinks that our body is too big, too small too, this too, that too short, too fat too, whatever your face isn't isn't right.

00:14:43.332 --> 00:14:49.389
Your lips aren't perfect, your boobs aren't big enough, your ass isn't round enough, your thighs are too big.

00:14:49.389 --> 00:14:51.594
Oh, my God, your feet don't touch.

00:14:51.594 --> 00:14:55.727
Oh, my God, your arm jiggles, big, round belly.

00:14:55.727 --> 00:14:57.572
I mean, it's just constant.

00:14:57.572 --> 00:15:01.886
There's always this constant noise and we all have bodies.

00:15:01.886 --> 00:15:03.791
They don't have to be perfect bodies.

00:15:03.791 --> 00:15:06.437
They don't have to be perfect.

00:15:06.437 --> 00:15:09.844
They don't have to be anything other than exactly what they are.

00:15:09.844 --> 00:15:11.365
I hate.

00:15:11.365 --> 00:15:12.489
I hate that we can't.

00:15:12.489 --> 00:15:28.240
Just, we have spent so much time and so much money and so much energy trying to fix something that isn't even broken yeah, but we're told it and we buy the message and we've seen what buying the message does.

00:15:30.547 --> 00:15:52.681
It just it literally like these are the things that are keeping you from really being able to move forward, and that's what I would want to impart upon therapists is like you just have to accept that all bodies are bodies and everyone deserves to feel neutral about their body, because it shouldn't be this standard of like this or that, or you got to do this or what.

00:15:52.681 --> 00:15:58.091
It's whatever you have and whatever you want to do with it, right.

00:15:58.091 --> 00:16:12.442
So it's just like you're not going to move further in any sort of real discussion about bodies or weight or any of the diet, culturally, wellness, aging, you know all the things sagging, you know it's like fuck.

00:16:14.221 --> 00:16:27.773
Well, and how much more effort, how much more energy would we have to work on I don't know Problems of the world If we weren't so focused on that shit all the time?

00:16:28.980 --> 00:16:34.913
And that messaging wasn't brought up like literally force fed to you your entire life.

00:16:35.740 --> 00:16:55.311
Right, I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how different life like like my kids, right, they, I mean sure they've still, you know, they've had to go through identity things and figuring out who they are and body dysmorphia and different things that they've had to work through, but it hasn't been this like all encompassing thing.

00:16:55.772 --> 00:16:57.842
Their size hasn't mattered for them.

00:16:57.842 --> 00:17:06.882
Their like, their looks haven't entirely mattered for them beyond their own preferences and they get to like focus on other things.

00:17:06.882 --> 00:17:14.763
But for me, I remember growing up like my body was a big issue, though, like always my whole life.

00:17:14.763 --> 00:17:22.905
Up until a certain point it was like what I looked like, who I was going to marry, like my whole life was about whether I could get a guy.

00:17:22.905 --> 00:17:34.292
So I never had space to think, oh my God, I could do something, I could be something other than a fucking wife, a mom.

00:17:34.292 --> 00:17:39.708
That wasn't an option for me when I was younger and like I didn't have the space for that.

00:17:39.708 --> 00:17:47.502
But if we got to grow up thinking we can look however we fucking want to look, our bodies are going to be what they're ever going to be.

00:17:47.502 --> 00:17:49.369
We can do whatever we want to do.

00:17:49.790 --> 00:18:02.862
We can have the power to empower and we can make a fucking difference right, but he's too stuck in it and yeah it, it's a snake eating its own tail.

00:18:02.862 --> 00:18:12.548
I mean, really, it's that's what it is, and when you can step away and recognize that, that's, that's invaluable.

00:18:13.391 --> 00:18:17.866
Yeah, and look at that, you are actually getting to help people think about this stuff.

00:18:18.468 --> 00:18:20.492
Yeah, like people who wouldn't normally.

00:18:21.161 --> 00:18:34.407
And that's why I was so nervous to do it, Cause it was just like this topic means so much to me, Like you could talk to me about behavioral health in California and I'd just be able to be like and probably sound like an expert and you know like.

00:18:34.407 --> 00:18:39.262
But this I was like, this is really important.

00:18:39.262 --> 00:19:02.006
What messaging can I get across that is going to resonate with these people so that they get it and, even if they don't accept it, that they now have heard it and recognize that it is a problem and that it is something that needs to be looked at, as dealing with discrimination, for anti-fatness is unacceptable, especially in the workplace.

00:19:02.948 --> 00:19:12.828
Yeah, I hope that you get to have more talks like that, especially where you're doing a thing where you're really making them question the way that they see something and the way that other people see something.

00:19:12.828 --> 00:19:19.500
Because, like, I think everyone needs the practice of empathy and everyone needs the practice of perspective.

00:19:19.500 --> 00:19:34.762
You know, like, if, if we grew up like they do in what greenland I think they have empathy classes If we grew up like they, do in Greenland.

00:19:35.744 --> 00:19:36.685
I think they have empathy classes.

00:19:36.685 --> 00:19:38.848
How different would our mental health be in this country?

00:19:38.848 --> 00:19:40.111
And our mental health providers?

00:19:40.111 --> 00:19:53.191
Even on my feed and um, it was about this person saying that I had a sex dream about my therapist and I told them and I got fired from therapy and I was like what?

00:19:53.191 --> 00:19:53.892
So then?

00:19:53.951 --> 00:19:54.333
I like.

00:19:54.333 --> 00:19:58.769
Okay, first of all, sex dreams don't actually mean you want to have sex with a person like that.

00:19:58.789 --> 00:20:02.948
Shouldn't make that uncomfortable, right, but especially a therapist.

00:20:02.948 --> 00:20:05.654
It should not make a therapist uncomfortable.

00:20:05.654 --> 00:20:10.825
That is really like it's really not uncommon.

00:20:10.825 --> 00:20:12.627
That's weird.

00:20:12.627 --> 00:20:20.308
It's clinical abandonment, like you can't just fire a patient because they said like that they're not threatening your life.

00:20:20.308 --> 00:20:32.161
And the person said I immediately like once you read the actual like story, it's like, oh my gosh, like this person was like I, I swear I don't have feelings for you and that it's just it happened.

00:20:32.161 --> 00:20:33.144
And I was.

00:20:33.144 --> 00:20:39.325
I usually tell you about my dreams and like I didn't think this would be a big deal and you said I could tell you anything.

00:20:39.325 --> 00:20:44.403
And yeah, I was just like, oh, this poor person like awful, I can.

00:20:44.442 --> 00:20:53.388
Actually I have a best friend who is very much that way, like he has crazy dreams and a therapist, and I can totally imagine that exact thing happening for him.

00:20:53.388 --> 00:21:02.928
And if he told me that I would go to the therapist myself and I would totally mama bear the situation and be like, listen, linda, we need to have a little bit of a conversation.

00:21:02.928 --> 00:21:05.945
You can't just abandon your clients.

00:21:05.945 --> 00:21:08.641
Right, it was dream.

00:21:08.641 --> 00:21:16.666
If you need help deciphering what that means and understanding what it means if your client has a dream like that, you and I can have a conversation.

00:21:16.666 --> 00:21:18.673
Maybe you need a therapist.

00:21:18.673 --> 00:21:19.400
Yeah, I was gonna.

00:21:19.420 --> 00:21:23.367
I was gonna say you don't need to be a therapist.

00:21:23.367 --> 00:21:26.694
Like plain and simple, so weird.

00:21:26.694 --> 00:21:31.729
I know that I just took us off on a crazy tangent, but sorry about that.

00:21:32.730 --> 00:21:33.532
No, you're totally fine.

00:21:33.532 --> 00:21:33.833
You know what?

00:21:33.833 --> 00:21:38.588
I hear all kinds of things Like I you know in a different therapy field myself.

00:21:38.588 --> 00:21:42.609
Yes, I hear so many things.

00:21:42.609 --> 00:21:44.586
Yeah, we can talk about it.

00:21:45.902 --> 00:21:54.867
So tell the story, Like start from the beginning, Like what were your thoughts, what were the things that kind of like brought this on?

00:21:54.867 --> 00:22:04.933
Wow, your new business, you know I was in the womb and I decided my spirit was going to be a cuddler.

00:22:04.933 --> 00:22:07.484
Okay, bitch.

00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:24.646
In the beginning I mean so I have, like I used to be a massage therapist, I've always been drawn to holistic healing in general, Like it's always been something that I love.

00:22:24.646 --> 00:22:28.588
That's not to say I am a science denier in any way.

00:22:28.588 --> 00:22:30.164
I believe in vaccines.

00:22:30.164 --> 00:22:31.048
I go to the doctor.

00:22:31.048 --> 00:22:34.808
Obviously my doctor was on the show with us Go back.

00:22:37.201 --> 00:22:38.987
You want to listen to that episode?

00:22:38.987 --> 00:22:39.407
Trust me.

00:22:40.109 --> 00:22:43.663
Right, yeah, no, go back and listen to Dr Robert's talking.

00:22:43.663 --> 00:22:44.364
It's amazing.

00:22:44.364 --> 00:22:54.036
Also, I've got a project I'm working on with him, so that the directory that I want to talk about I'm working on with him, so it's good stuff.

00:22:57.680 --> 00:23:09.988
We can jump to that and then come back, and I've always had a mind for different alternative healing practices in general, and I am also a very touchy, feely person.

00:23:09.988 --> 00:23:20.694
I love being able to give comfort when I the biggest thing is when I was really young, my great grandma I will always so.

00:23:20.694 --> 00:23:24.356
My great grandma was the person who taught me how to love, always were so.

00:23:24.356 --> 00:23:26.078
My great grandma was the person who taught me how to love Like.

00:23:26.078 --> 00:23:32.621
This is a sweet, happy moment.

00:23:32.621 --> 00:23:33.663
Sorry, guys, but she died of cancer forever ago.

00:23:33.663 --> 00:23:33.904
Crazy story.

00:23:33.904 --> 00:23:37.195
She said she wouldn't die, even though she had breast cancer, until I had a child, and she told me this when I was like 10.

00:23:37.195 --> 00:23:40.865
And at the time I was like that's silly great grandma, because I'm never going to have a kid.

00:23:40.865 --> 00:23:44.189
And then I had a kid and she died a year after I had a kid.

00:23:44.189 --> 00:23:46.451
She also never went to chemo.

00:23:46.451 --> 00:23:48.756
She never got treatment for her breast cancer.

00:23:48.756 --> 00:23:54.970
I don't, I don't, I don't know universe, but I know it's crazy.

00:23:54.970 --> 00:24:00.785
Um, but she taught me what love is and, um, she cause.

00:24:00.805 --> 00:24:02.186
She was in pain often.

00:24:02.186 --> 00:24:05.211
Um, she used to like I would.

00:24:05.211 --> 00:24:08.756
I would spend the night at her house a lot as a kid.

00:24:08.756 --> 00:24:12.651
She really saved me from a lot of stuff.

00:24:12.651 --> 00:24:15.584
But she would.

00:24:15.584 --> 00:24:19.862
She would come and she would sit in her little grandma chair at the end of the couch and she would.

00:24:19.862 --> 00:24:33.422
She would like be rubbing her hands and she would just kind of like I could tell that she was in pain and I was always like, are you okay?

00:24:33.422 --> 00:24:34.144
And she would go I'm just hurting.

00:24:34.163 --> 00:24:36.189
You know, your touch is always really healing and makes me feel so much better.

00:24:36.189 --> 00:24:39.241
Do you think you could just hold my hand and rub my hand?

00:24:39.241 --> 00:24:42.568
And I always I mean, it was the same conversation.

00:24:42.568 --> 00:24:45.233
It was like it would happen brand new every time, but I still did it.

00:24:45.233 --> 00:24:54.451
And so I would hold her hand and I would rub her hand, and she told me that if I would fix her lights like this white light, that it would help her feel better.

00:24:54.451 --> 00:24:55.660
And I did so.

00:24:55.660 --> 00:24:57.026
I would like picture this white light.

00:24:57.026 --> 00:25:01.372
I know this is kind of a tangent, but this is how it started.

00:25:01.372 --> 00:25:12.829
I started helping my grandma feel better just through touch as a child and then, as I got older, I learned that touch is really important.

00:25:12.829 --> 00:25:17.233
It's also something that our society is deprived of.

00:25:17.233 --> 00:25:20.076
60% of the population is touch deprived.

00:25:20.076 --> 00:25:28.448
So as I got older I did a lot of things, but I got tired of doing things for other people.

00:25:28.448 --> 00:25:30.611
I did a lot for other people.

00:25:39.930 --> 00:25:45.259
Yes, tears at the end of every day, just being like I'm not making a difference.

00:25:45.259 --> 00:25:53.152
I've been a manager, I've worked in compliance, I've been a nonprofit CFO.

00:25:53.152 --> 00:26:08.593
I've done a lot of things and none of them made me happy, because I was doing these things for other people, but I was never making a difference, I was never making an impact, I was never healing anybody, I was never helping anybody in the way that I wanted to, in the way that felt like me.

00:26:08.593 --> 00:26:26.749
And so COVID hit and a couple of years went by and I just I kept thinking about the idea that cuddle therapy could work for me, like this could be a thing that would really be me, like it felt like a way that maybe I could do something.

00:26:26.749 --> 00:26:34.953
But it seemed so silly, right, because it's cuddling Like who's really going to go see a cuddle therapist?

00:26:34.953 --> 00:26:36.261
And like is that even really a thing?

00:26:36.261 --> 00:26:46.185
So after a bunch of research, I discovered it's totally a real thing and I went to school for it.

00:26:46.185 --> 00:26:54.030
I became an internationally accredited cuddle therapist, studying through Cuddle Professionals International, which is based out of the UK.

00:26:54.030 --> 00:26:56.063
They are wonderful.

00:26:56.063 --> 00:27:05.710
So if anybody here is interested in becoming a cuddle therapist, cuddle Professionals International and I learned so much from them.

00:27:06.271 --> 00:27:09.395
I mean I learned not just things that I already knew to some extent but that I really got to dive them.

00:27:09.395 --> 00:27:17.008
I mean I learned not just things that I already knew to some extent but that I really got to dive into, I mean just the chemicals like is released through cuddling and through touching the right ways to cuddle and touch somebody.

00:27:17.008 --> 00:27:18.892
Trauma-informed care.

00:27:18.892 --> 00:27:40.413
I went through a bunch of different training for that because I wanted to make sure that what I was doing was trauma-informed and I was actually paying attention to my clients and what they needed and able to help uphold boundaries, clarify boundaries, help people communicate you know their own personal boundaries and consent, and I mean there's so many things that go into it.

00:27:40.413 --> 00:27:43.663
But I learned all that through them.

00:27:43.663 --> 00:27:50.972
I started a business and yeah, I mean that's.

00:27:50.972 --> 00:27:53.375
That's the really, really long story.

00:27:56.787 --> 00:28:00.936
Oh my gosh, that's why I wanted you to share it as like a full story.

00:28:00.936 --> 00:28:02.740
I didn't know the grandma part.

00:28:02.740 --> 00:28:04.083
Uh, that was really.

00:28:04.083 --> 00:28:05.223
That was really awesome.

00:28:06.005 --> 00:28:06.886
I read a whole thing about it.

00:28:06.886 --> 00:28:09.651
Actually, I should probably share it more often, but I don't.

00:28:09.651 --> 00:28:12.335
But, yeah, yeah, you should yeah.

00:28:12.894 --> 00:28:14.805
Yeah, so I have a cuddle therapist.

00:28:14.805 --> 00:28:16.369
Cuddle therapist.

00:28:16.369 --> 00:28:20.671
Tell me what a standard session may look like.

00:28:20.671 --> 00:28:24.450
Like you're setting up an appointment.

00:28:24.450 --> 00:28:25.632
Like what does that look like?

00:28:26.218 --> 00:28:31.472
Yeah Well, so it depends on the client and where I get where that, where the client comes from.

00:28:31.472 --> 00:28:37.327
So I've had some really interesting experiences as a call therapist.

00:28:37.327 --> 00:28:40.155
Maybe we should talk about those.

00:28:40.175 --> 00:28:52.434
I'm just saying now we're getting dangerous um, so the way that a session should look and does look when it's run the right way with the right people.

00:28:52.434 --> 00:29:00.733
Um, I, a client reaches out via either one of the networking accesses or my website.

00:29:00.733 --> 00:29:02.948
We do a discovery call.

00:29:02.948 --> 00:29:09.972
Um, so I spend about half an hour talking to the client about what their needs are.

00:29:09.972 --> 00:29:14.269
Um, if they have any trauma, that I should be aware of any boundaries that need to make sure.

00:29:14.269 --> 00:29:17.685
Like you know, I've got clients who maybe don't want their neck touched.

00:29:17.685 --> 00:29:20.701
I've got clients who they don't want their head touched.

00:29:20.701 --> 00:29:24.461
I've got clients who, specifically, can only be touched on their stomach.

00:29:24.461 --> 00:29:26.626
Um, just different things.

00:29:26.626 --> 00:29:29.542
I want to make sure that I understand a client's boundaries ahead of time.

00:29:29.542 --> 00:29:36.987
We talk about environment because I make sure that my space is very welcoming and accommodating and inclusive to everybody.

00:29:37.568 --> 00:30:11.753
So we talk about whether they like it hot, cold, what specific temperature they like, what kind of music they like because I do, I have sound, I have music playing all the time, unless they just want to talk can we just say go check out the website, because the pictures that you have of this cottage, this cottage I just want to lay in on like a 68, 69 degree day with a little breeze, you know, just chill, oh, it's work you got it with the website, so good it's.

00:30:11.900 --> 00:30:12.601
I mean, I built we.

00:30:12.601 --> 00:30:22.986
So we built this cottage from the ground up with pallets full on labor of love, and it is people, everybody who walks inside.

00:30:22.986 --> 00:30:32.558
Every single person has talked about how comfortable it feels, how warm and inviting it feels Like it's just comfy.

00:30:32.558 --> 00:30:45.536
The whole back wall, so like a full eight feet of this cottage that I built was meant to house a big fig mattress, because I wanted that.

00:30:45.536 --> 00:30:52.950
I wanted something that was going to fit every body and nobody does it like Big Fig.

00:30:52.950 --> 00:30:57.628
So I reached out to Big Fig.

00:30:57.628 --> 00:30:58.911
They're amazing.

00:30:58.911 --> 00:31:09.145
They hooked it up and so we have the whole back of the cottage is a Big Fig and every single person who gets on the bed they're like what kind of bed is this?

00:31:09.145 --> 00:31:12.144
And I'm like it's a big fig, big fig.

00:31:13.628 --> 00:31:18.603
It's so good, it's so comfy, I'm sorry you were saying that you get to pick all the lighting and the things.

00:31:18.603 --> 00:31:21.029
That's what got me oh, it's so gorgeous.

00:31:21.069 --> 00:31:24.326
I have to say that, um, yeah, okay, so we we go through.

00:31:24.326 --> 00:31:27.461
So, pre-discovery call we talk about everything.

00:31:27.461 --> 00:31:33.112
We talk about what needs are what, what you want to do, different cuddle positions.

00:31:33.112 --> 00:31:34.755
We talk about boundaries.

00:31:34.755 --> 00:31:40.712
We really just to get a feel also for energy, because some energy works, some energy don't.

00:31:40.712 --> 00:31:59.852
I mean, you know, as a therapist, right Like there are some clients or some therapists who are just not going to be, it's just not going to work, and I never want a client to come into the space and feel unwelcome, feel like they, you know, aren't well, they aren't happy there, they aren't comfortable there.

00:32:00.980 --> 00:32:03.446
So, yeah, so that's what the prediscovery call is for.

00:32:03.446 --> 00:32:16.425
And then after that a session gets scheduled and when they come in for the session, it's usually I ask right away how they feel about hugs, if they want to be welcomed with a hug, because everybody likes hugs.

00:32:16.425 --> 00:32:18.932
That come in usually, but there are people who don't.

00:32:18.932 --> 00:32:22.065
And so, um, really good hugs.

00:32:22.065 --> 00:32:24.128
Really I love hugs.

00:32:24.128 --> 00:32:25.873
I'm a big squishy teddy bear.

00:32:25.873 --> 00:32:27.569
That's like I got told.

00:32:27.569 --> 00:32:32.807
Actually, I had a session earlier this week and my client was like that's the best mom energy.

00:32:33.690 --> 00:32:48.126
I love it and having like the mom energy kind of thing might get you some clients that just want to like deal with the trauma that they had as a child and have like a mom figure, energy, vibe kind of situation with you.

00:32:48.867 --> 00:32:56.175
Yeah, or those who are going through a divorce and they don't have parents here and they just like need their mom, you know.

00:32:57.319 --> 00:32:57.901
Absolutely.

00:32:58.682 --> 00:33:00.664
It's definitely all about comfort.

00:33:01.125 --> 00:33:03.308
So yeah, so then they come in for their session.

00:33:03.308 --> 00:33:04.951
We greeted with a hug.

00:33:04.951 --> 00:33:10.002
I usually say all right, let's get cozy, whatever is going to make you comfortable.

00:33:10.002 --> 00:33:13.851
So clothing requirements are shorts and a t-shirt is the bare minimum.

00:33:13.851 --> 00:33:17.065
That is the least amount of clothing you can have on.

00:33:17.065 --> 00:33:25.785
But you can have on as much clothing as you like Shoes on, shoes off, socks on socks off, slippers on, does not matter.

00:33:26.385 --> 00:33:28.949
It's all about comfort, it's all about what makes somebody else comfortable.

00:33:28.949 --> 00:33:39.410
And then, if it's somebody who needs time to adjust, I have a little sitting area and so we'll like sit and talk and just kind of get comfortable.

00:33:39.410 --> 00:33:56.854
If it's somebody who's like most people don't, most people just want to plop on the bed and so like we just transition over to where the cuddle therapy happens and we start with breathing if they're anxious.

00:33:56.854 --> 00:34:02.983
If it's a repeat client, most of that doesn't need to happen, but I do have clients who have a lot of anxiety.

00:34:02.983 --> 00:34:11.949
So if that's the case, we do box breathing and a couple other different breathing techniques to try to help ground them and kind of get them soft.

00:34:11.949 --> 00:34:13.092
You know what I mean?

00:34:13.092 --> 00:34:17.708
Yep, get them comfortable, get them acclimated, get them feeling at ease yeah.

00:34:19.539 --> 00:34:21.869
So that way they can just actually relax.

00:34:21.869 --> 00:34:31.628
And then we I usually offer just a basic hold at first, like let me hold you, and then we kind of move through different positions.

00:34:31.628 --> 00:34:37.449
Some clients want like a weighted, blanket situation so they like have more of my body kind of holding them there.

00:34:37.449 --> 00:34:43.251
Some people want to just you know, spoon, big, spoon, little spoon.

00:34:43.251 --> 00:34:44.541
I do a lot of.

00:34:44.541 --> 00:34:48.192
I also have, like I do facial massage on people.

00:34:48.192 --> 00:35:00.009
I used to do massage, so like I have people like lay, you know, kind of on their backs towards me and then I do a facial massage and shoulder massage.

00:35:00.961 --> 00:35:02.347
It really just depends on the clients.

00:35:02.347 --> 00:35:04.487
Every session is a little bit different.

00:35:04.487 --> 00:35:06.327
I have clients who just want to be held and talk.

00:35:06.327 --> 00:35:07.876
I have clients who just want to be held and talk.

00:35:07.876 --> 00:35:11.447
I have clients who just want to not talk and be held.

00:35:11.447 --> 00:35:17.541
I've had a lot of different experiences but every session is different.

00:35:17.541 --> 00:35:20.896
There has not been a single thing that I can be like.

00:35:20.896 --> 00:35:27.601
This is what all sessions look like, because every single thing is about the client and what is going to make them comfortable and what they need.

00:35:27.601 --> 00:35:28.713
So some of them is just about letting them vent about the client and what is going to make them comfortable and what they need.

00:35:28.713 --> 00:35:35.112
So some of them is just about letting them vent about the day and just be in a space.

00:35:35.112 --> 00:35:37.882
It's being a space to listen.

00:35:37.882 --> 00:35:57.023
My job is I'm not like other therapists, so my job but it is to be present and comfort and nurture and heal through touch.

00:35:58.085 --> 00:36:13.675
Awesome, it's awesome and, like you mentioned, so needed, like can you imagine if these alpha bros you know actually had cuddle intimacy, like real, like cuddle intimacy?

00:36:13.675 --> 00:36:17.030
It would not be the situation that any of us are in.

00:36:17.030 --> 00:36:25.313
There's no intimacy, and I think that's the kind of and when I say intimacy I know people are like oh, sex, not talking about sex.

00:36:25.313 --> 00:36:29.811
We're going to say very, very emphatically this is not sex.

00:36:30.780 --> 00:36:37.134
This is platonic, fully platonic, exclusively platonic cuddling.

00:36:37.134 --> 00:36:53.827
There is nothing sexual about my cuddle therapy business Exactly cuddle therapy business Exactly River Rose Cuddle Cottage is specifically platonic.

00:36:53.827 --> 00:37:10.070
However, that is not always the case, so if you are somebody who has experienced a different type of cuddle professional, please understand that that is different than cuddle therapy.

00:37:10.070 --> 00:37:20.623
Please understand that there are other websites for that and if you are a provider offering, please stay on your car.

00:37:21.525 --> 00:37:27.353
Stay in your lane, bro name your lane, you'll have a corner.

00:37:27.733 --> 00:37:29.576
I'm not about the scarcity mindset.

00:37:29.576 --> 00:37:33.190
If anybody wants to be a cuddle therapist, a cuddle professional, do it.

00:37:33.190 --> 00:37:43.934
We need more touch in the world, but please stop offering client non-professional services under the guise of platonic cuddling, please.

00:37:43.934 --> 00:37:47.788
It really ruins things for the rest of us cuddling please.

00:37:47.807 --> 00:37:48.909
It really ruins things for the rest of us.

00:37:48.909 --> 00:38:00.034
Yeah Well, and it leads to word, you know, especially if somebody didn't pay attention to that on your website and just booked, just wanted to book, a session, and then you know that's the well, will you?

00:38:00.076 --> 00:38:01.221
do this Right?

00:38:01.221 --> 00:38:01.842
Yeah, or the first.

00:38:01.842 --> 00:38:02.885
I've definitely had within the first 10 minutes.

00:38:02.885 --> 00:38:03.387
So can we have sec.

00:38:03.387 --> 00:38:05.735
I've definitely had within the first 10 minutes.

00:38:05.735 --> 00:38:07.740
So can we have sex?

00:38:07.740 --> 00:38:12.065
Platonic, platonic, Platonic.

00:38:12.065 --> 00:38:18.869
I've also repeatedly told somebody platonic and had them be like so will you play with my nipples?

00:38:18.869 --> 00:38:25.976
And I'm like word of God, buddy, that's not platonic, friend, that's not no.

00:38:25.976 --> 00:38:36.990
You know what, like you know, professionally, I will touch here above your chest, I will touch here on your stomach, and that is the boundary that I have.

00:38:36.990 --> 00:38:43.052
That is where I'm willing to touch because, because I'm not doing anything sexual.

00:38:43.092 --> 00:38:52.788
My friend, you're a professional and professionals don't have sex with their clientele unless they are doing sex work Right, and cuddle therapy is not sex work.

00:38:53.289 --> 00:38:59.490