Transcript
WEBVTT
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On this episode of Big.
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Sexy Chat.
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Crystal and Murph are joined by sex industry veteran badass Kim Ayers, and they're dishing the juice all about female ejaculation Without further ado.
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Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.
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I'm Crystal, I'm Murph.
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We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.
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We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community, cannabis, CBD, you name it.
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We're going to talk about it.
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We are very excited to have you a part of our community.
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Welcome and enjoy.
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Talk about it.
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We are very excited to have you a part of our community.
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Welcome and enjoy.
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Hey, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.
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My name is Crystal and I'm here with my lovely co-host, Murph Hi, Murph Hi.
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So I'm so excited to have Kim Ayers with us today.
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We have y'all.
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We have some sex toy, sex toy, party, slash, sex education royalty with us today.
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We're so excited to have you.
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Welcome, Kim Ayers.
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Thank you so much.
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I'm so happy to be here.
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Anytime I can talk about sex and get the word out there, it's a good day.
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Awesome.
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Tell everybody a little bit about you and your.
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Tell us about your history.
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We want to hear the dirty good stuff.
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It's really good, let me tell you.
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So, basically, married seven and a half years.
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Boring, I mean.
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He was nice and everything, but just kind of didn't want to be adventurous.
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So I got divorced in 1987.
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I met somebody I call the smut hound who turned me on to all the sex stuff which I had always had an interest in.
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But when you're married to somebody who's boring, it kind of only goes one way.
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So he turned me on to every public sex sex toys, strip joints, porn stars and porn.
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So this was 87.
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So everybody mark your calendars.
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That was way before the internet.
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So we hung out whatever fuck buddies for a long time.
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And then, um, in 1992, I was inspired, actually at a G-Spot workshop, to open my own store.
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So in November 93, I left my job at Harvard to sell rubber dicks to girls and opened a store in Brookline, massachusetts called Grand Opening.
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Get it.
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People are like you still have your signs up.
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I'm like that's the name of the store.
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So I opened November 93 and no turning back after that.
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So I sold it in December 05 because owning a business is a lot of responsibility and my MO on the planet was just to teach about sex and all that instead of like worrying about payroll and insurance and all those other things that you have to deal with on a business Taxes, just all that.
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So basically, I sold the store and then I moved out to California in 06, because, like I say, I have an addiction I have to deal with and it's called motorcycle riding.
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So I'm a pretty hardcore motorcycle rider so I can ride all year round here.
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Yay.
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Instead I'm in Boston when it's only five months season.
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So, being the center of the universe for sex toy land here in the U?
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S, the Los Angeles area, had a lot of opportunities and continues to do so.
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So I started working for several major manufacturers in my time and let's see Prime, dream Products, topco, small companies, big companies, home party companies, brand manager and just a lubricant company and a whole bunch.
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So I continue to do this work in the business.
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I do a lot of product consulting.
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So if somebody's like, oh, I've got an idea for a product, I'm like the go-to person to talk to about that, because I've been, I have experience in all aspects of a sex toy, of just like the life of a sex toy, like manufacturing, bringing it in from China, which is where majority of them are made and just the whole, like I say, lifespan of a sex toy, what to do to recycle it and everything.
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so yeah, so no, there's a whole lot.
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I absolutely love it.
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I'm as crazy passionate today as I ever have been about it.
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I always say there's never a dull moment in the sex world.
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Your enthusiasm definitely comes through the screen.
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It's so amazing.
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I get people that ask me questions.
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They're like oh, I have a question for you.
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You've probably heard it before and I go yeah, but not from you, so it's a new question.
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Sure, that fascinates me.
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I walk the walk and talk the talk.
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I've done sex work.
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I'm pro dom, just product reviewing.
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I write tons of reviews.
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The sex toy pleasure product person for adult video news, ABN, which has been around for quite a while, and I've got tons of reviews experts I've been reviewing stuff for over well over a decade with them too, and but I'm just going to be doing ABN now and I will be doing a ton of work for the big January show in Las Vegas.
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We're the granddaddy of them all.
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So that's all my department.
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I'm pretty excited about it.
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I've been doing it for the past couple of years, but even more so now.
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I think it's funny how that show overlaps a little bit with all the engineers coming to town, the CES people, which I'm here in Silicon Valley where all the nerds live, and it's so funny to see that end of one and the beginning of another.
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But there's definitely a little overlap.
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Right, right, right.
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Yeah, I can go into all about the history of that too, which is pretty fascinating.
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It started when VHS it's in Las Vegas, when VHSs came out, so that was like 84, I think it was and so that really really significantly changed the way you could watch porn or you didn't have to go to a theater anymore.
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So the people I think it was Sony, betamax who said, hey, let's invite the porno people because they're going to be our major consumers so that became a huge segment of the show, so much that it almost overran CES, because if you had a CES badge, you could easily get into the adult section, where, of course, everybody wanted to go.
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And then in 1999, I think it was um Paul Fishbein, who owned AVN at the time, said hey, I can do my own show and have all those people come to it.
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So that's how that started, the AVN, uh, which is adult entertainment expo.
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Uh, that's when that started.
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So it's been going on its own for quite a while and it's been going parallel, and not parallel with the CES show, so it's always in January because it has to be.
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That's when everybody knows what it is.
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And so, like you said, sometimes it's overlapped, like last year it overlapped, or the year before, I don't know.
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It kind of blurs when you've been going since 1997, the show kind of blurs into each other, that's for sure.
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I want to say two things real quick.
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First of all, everybody in the world needs to give a big, huge thank you to the adult industry, because they are we are the reason why the internet is where it is today, in 2024.
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Porn people, the adult toy people they've always been on the cutting edge and we have all of them to thank for bringing us to where we are now, because everybody wants to deliver video fast to all the people.
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We know there's a million customers for porn and it's because of them that we all need to say thank you so much for doing all the hard work in the very beginning, absolutely, and yet we still get political on how dicey it is, oh yeah, and then Project 2025 wants to.
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It's so scary Well there's already Festus Sosta, which is also you know which is beautiful.
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You can advertise any services that have anything to do with sex.
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Nor, on a lot of platforms, can you advertise anything like a sex toy.
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On a lot of platforms can you advertise anything like a sex toy.
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But if it's something that helps men with erectile dysfunction, it's all over social media.
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But God forbid you promote anything that supports women's sexuality.
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Why?
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Because we are powerful.
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I do so many classes and tell these women I go, we topple governments with what we have between our legs and you seem kind of like what?
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And then when you start thinking about it, it's like yeah, that's how much power we have and that's the reason why they want to keep us down, because we're really powerful.
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I just had my boobs smashed.
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I had a mammogram and the tech and I were talking about.
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Can you imagine if men had to put their balls in a vice like this?
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Oh my God, there'd be so many other options besides getting your boobs squished.
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Of course, the penis and the balls are so important, but before we get going into G-spot and female ejaculation because that's the topic of today's podcast, I think it makes sense to give Deb Sundahl some love.
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I know she's passed, but she used to be an amazing teacher of the G-spot and female ejaculation and she even came to my store a couple of times and taught a class and she's the goddess amazing woman who was really.
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She was very passionate about making sure women knew all about their genitalia.
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I remember she just had this great video this woman named Elaine in Reno, whose G-spot was very close to opening her vagina.
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I remember she just had this great video, this woman named Elaine in Reno, whose G-spot was very close to opening her vagina, and so when they had it on the video, you could actually see the G-spot and everything working together.
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It was beautiful.
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And anyway, all the love to Deb Sundahl.
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Well, funny.
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You should bring her up because when I got turned on to all the sex stuff again before the internet, there was a magazine on our backs that came out of San Francisco and it was called Entertainment for the Adventurous Lesbian and it really showed real.
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I put that in quotes because, like real lesbians, I'm like how do you define that?
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But anyway.
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So it was basically like butch fam and butches and stuff being sexual and it was a smut magazine and it was basically like Butch Fam and Butches and stuff being sexual and it was a smut magazine and it was totally awesome.
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She was one of the editors, along with Honey Lee Cottrell, susie Bright was in there and Nan Kinney.
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So my lesbian friends turned me on to that magazine and I'm like, oh my God, I love this magazine, I want to write for them.
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So while I was working at Harvard University I was writing for Honor Backs Magazine.
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So Deb Sundahl went as Fanny Fatale as the editor.
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Well, she came out with the video how to Female Ejaculate back in 1992 on VHS and then she was doing some touring around the country to promote the video and do workshops.
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So she was in Boston.
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This was around Columbus Day weekend.
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She was in Boston and there were two feminist bookstores in Boston and she wanted to present there.
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Well, guess what?
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Neither one wanted her to present because it was a woman talking about sex and they couldn't deal with it.
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So she presented at the gay men's bookstore called Glad Day.
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Well, the next night she was presenting at Del Williams apartment in New York City.
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Del Williams is the founder of Eve's Garden, the first female friendly sex tour store that opened up in 1972.
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So she was presenting there with a hands-on workshop.
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So I went to that while I was driving down to New Jersey to visit family over the weekend.
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So I went and it was a hands-on workshop and then it gave me a moment to put together that.
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Fanny Fatale I knew that wasn't her real name was really Deb Sundahl.
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She was like wait a minute, I'm waiting for you.
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So.
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So we had this instant connection and so she shows the video and then it was time to like spread them in front of a mirror with the speculum to really see where the G spot was Right.
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So everybody's kind of looking at each other and this cute little blonde girl raises her hand and says I'll go.
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So she goes in front of the mirror.
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She squiggles out of her tight little blue jeans, slides them down, puts a speculum in and of course her G-spot was cute and blonde.
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So I saw it and I'm like you know what, enough of this.
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So I just kind of went in front of a mirror and did it myself and Deb Sundell comes by and she goes wow, you have a really big and meaty G-spot.
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And I looked at her and I said that's because I'm a big and meaty girl.
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I love it.
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Yeah, she was amazing.
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There it is.
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And then the conversation at the end of the workshop wound up being why did you go to the men's uh, gay, men's bookstore to present?
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And that's when I learned that neither of the feminist bookstores wanted to have her.
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And I said but?
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But I said you know what we could use?
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A women's sex toy store in Boston.
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Clouds parted, bolt of lightning came down and I said I could do that.
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I could do that.
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So, then I went back to my two friends, my two lesbian friends in Manhattan and said I'm going to open a women's sex toy store in Boston.
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And they said if anybody can do it, it's you, and the rest is history.
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I think it's so crazy how there's still a question Does the G-spot exist?
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Yeah, and women don't really squirt, they pee.
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No, so much misinformation.
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This is my lived experience, people.
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Okay, how can you tell me, no, that doesn't exist.
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I can tell you for sure it exists.
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I've known about it since I was about 16, but it's just so still so much.
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I know it's because people in the patriarchy are afraid of very powerful women, like all of us here.
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And there's just so much.
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Why is there still so much misinformation about it?
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Well, it's again.
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It's a women in power thing for sure.
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Well, first of all, it was discovered Okay, there's air quotes, catch them, catch them.
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Catch those air quotes Discovered in 1944 by Dr Ernst Grafenberg, right Hence G for G-spot, and it was coined G-spot by Beverly Whipple when she wrote her book with, I think, three or four other people that came out, I think, in around 1994, called the G-Spot, and that was a really educational book and I still think it's one of the best because the first half is all education about it and the second half is kind of more stories about it.
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But you learn so much in that.
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I really like that book.
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I'm assuming it's still in print, I'm not sure, but it's really, really good.
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So the G-Spot that's the title of the book, so that's why it's called the G-Spot.
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So he discovered it in 1994.
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And what amazes me?
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I mean I can tell you so many stories about the medical community and the G-spot and female ejaculation.
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What else do you want to hear?
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Do we want to go down the medical path, or the how-to, or the what or the when and where?
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I think the one-on-one.
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I think, our listeners need to kind of just what is it?
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How you know, what does it do?
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All the things.
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How do I find it?
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Sure, okay.
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So what I like to demonstrate?
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Demonstrate, and anybody who's listening can easily do this at home.
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No, you don't have to take your pants off, so don't worry.
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Okay, so make the letter C with your hand.
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Okay, so the letter C.
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Okay, what's that?
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All right, now raise your thumb, the first knuckle of your thumb, so it almost looks like guess what A G.
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Okay, now how to find G spot is, if you flip it and if you were to put the top of your thumb on the clitoris, where your bent index finger is is where the G spot's going to be.
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It's just like a little knuckle, maybe knuckle and a half, inside the vagina.
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It's really close, and this is kind of no fail when you do this position-wise for sure.
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It's also why I have a hard time with a lot of rabbit vibrators, with the rabbit at the bottom and then the G-spot curve about four inches away.
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It's like no, exactly, yeah, no.
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So it's very close to the vaginal exit entrance and what it is is the it's around the urethra.
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Now the urethra is the hole through which you urinate Now sometimes, okay, I always recommend get that mirror, put it between your legs, see what it looks like there.
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You know, don't be shy, you can do it in privacy of your own home.
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Put plenty of light on it.
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Now, a lot of times when you open your legs, it's kind of seeing sort of vaginal opening, but maybe not so much more than that.
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But what you do to see where your urethra is and G-spot is to push out and what it'll do.
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If you can't see it right away, it'll poke out a little bit.
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So you'll see it and it's a hole.
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So it's not the vaginal hole but it's a.
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It's the urethral hole, so the urethra is right there.
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Now, technically, when you go to touch the urethra, you know, wash your hands before whatever.
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It'll feel like a rabbit nose, so it'll feel a little rounded around the urethral opening, all right, so it'll have a little bit of a different consistency.
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Now, what you can do to to check this is the G-spot area is you can run your finger around the vaginal barrel and up towards the front, like the top front, is where you'll feel like this rabbit nose.
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So that's the urethra.
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Now, upon stimulation of that area, what happens is that, as you mentioned the sponge it's called the paraurethra sponge.
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You break it down.
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Paraurethra means around the urethra, so it's a sponge tissue that goes around the urethra and it provides a really cool function too.
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So what happens with a lot of women and it's not all of them, but I think you can, anybody can learn how to do this.
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I was actually taught by a guy how to shoot off because he got turned on by it and we watch videos and I'm like, wow, that's a pretty cool party trick.
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I want to learn how to do that.
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So, with stimulation of that spongy tissue and sometimes it can happen clitorally too it really depends on how your body responds to it you can stimulate the spongy tissue.
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Now, the spongy tissue here's where it gets really important, fills up with fluid and it has a really awesome function.
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Do you know what it is?
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Why it does that?
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All right, this is really good.
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Okay, it fills up with spongy tissue and surrounding the urethra so that when you're fucking and pounding against the urethra, it won't get irritated.
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It's padded.
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So that's the function.
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That's why a lot of people will back in the days when people didn't have sex before they got married.
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The women would come home with a UTI urinary tract infection because their urethra is being beat up by fucking a lot.
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So it was called honeymoon's disease, because they didn't have time each time to build up the fluid around their urethra.
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So that can contribute to a UTI, for sure, because the tube is trying to get jostled around there and that's what happened.
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So that fluid will fill up in the urethra.
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Now with further stimulation which can be mental or that's a whole nother story actually, but it can, you know with the fluid.
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Okay, now what happens is a lot of times and I know this happened to me and whenever I teach a class on this, it happens all the time.
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So women will be having penetrating sex or whatever.
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Whatever gets them to the point that they get congested it's called that's actually a medical term congested.
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The periurethral sponge fills up and in your mind you will feel, oh my God, I need to pee, and you'll go to the bathroom and go pee and nothing will come out.
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And I can't tell you how many women were nodding their heads or nodding their heads going yeah, that's happened to me.
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Reason why pee doesn't come out is because pee comes out of the bladder.
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The sensation of being fully congested is the sponge, so it is not the bladder.
