Knot Your Average Art: Shibari for Every Body and Identity

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It's time to strap in for another episode of Big Sexy Chat.

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Crystal and Murph are joined by special guest Beck to talk all things shibari.

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Beck is a non-binary, body-inclusive rope artist from Buffalo, new York, with a background in bondage, fashion and suspension ties.

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They are a firm believer that ropes are for every body and are passionate about queer, inclusive, anti-oppressive kink.

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Let's get ready to be all tied up.

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Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.

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I'm Crystal, I'm Murph.

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We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.

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We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community cannabis, cbd you name it.

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We're going to talk about it.

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We are very excited to have you a part of our community.

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Welcome and enjoy.

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Hey y'all.

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This is Crystal from Big Sexy Chat.

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Welcome back, we're excited to have you.

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We have a really cool topic tonight, but I want to just say hello real quickly to my fabulous co-host, merv Hi.

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Merv Hi.

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And we have the fantastic Beck here.

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Beck B-E-C Beck.

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They are a rigor slash shibari expert and we're going to learn all about that cool, cool, kinky fun that they're up to.

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So welcome, beck.

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Thank you so glad to be here.

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We're so excited to have you.

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It's such a cool topic.

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For those of you who don't know what shibari is, I'm just going to say right now it's the most beautiful, artful rope bondage.

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That's how I would define it.

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How do you define it, beck?

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I would define it similarly.

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Yeah, it kind of covers a whole umbrella of topics, from suspension, sadistic ties, decorative ties and fashion ties.

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There's really a lot that kind of falls under that umbrella of shibari.

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It's so beautiful.

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I've never really had a chance to try it or practice it, but I do notice that people I think including including you, do.

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You know who Jessamyn is, the um fat black yogi.

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She practices shibari and she does the self shibari like you do, right yes it's like a way to disassociate or a way to zen out, or what's it do for you when you do it by yourself?

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it's very grounding.

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I find it very meditative.

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It also is just a form of creative expression as well as a way to connect with my own body, and a way to it actually helped me a lot when I came out as non-binary and started learning about fat acceptance, and I have a chronic pain condition as well.

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So all of those factors Shabari helped me with and self-ties helped me connect with my body in a new way and celebrate it in a new way.

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Fantastic.

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Thank you so much for joining us.

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So let's kind of start at the beginning.

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Did you ever come out as fat?

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Do you consider yourself fat?

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Do you self-identify as fat?

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I do, yes, I identify as small to mid-fat, absolutely.

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So the word doesn't scare you, the words you're not afraid?

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of?

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No, not at all, you don't feel offended in me neither.

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Yeah, that's great.

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And then what about shibari?

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Tell us about Japanese word.

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It loosely translates to tie or bind.

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Consensual rope bondage for erotic purposes came into fashion in Japan between the early to mid-1900s and actually drew inspiration from ancient martial arts practices, and then it made its way into Western common vernacular sometime in the 90s.

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It's fascinating.

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I've really kind of seen how people embrace.

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You know, unique ways of appreciating their bodies, and hearing like this has been a practice.

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You know, this is something that people have used for so long and it's just interesting to me that, you know, we only kind of start to accept these things or talk about these things, and they have a rich history.

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They do.

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Yeah, it has a very rich history, absolutely.

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I always assumed that fat bodies I mean I knew fat babes could be tied up, of course, but the suspension, and then I guess it's still suspension, but when people are not really hanging from the ceiling but are kind of in different positions.

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I just always assumed that, like for me, I think about gravity and my weight and how it might dig into my, my very tender fascia yeah, absolutely so.

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Uh, there really is not any sort of weight max with shibari.

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Um, I firmly believe that we that ropes are for everybody.

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Um, for fat folks, trans folks, black folks, disabled folks.

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Rope really can be adapted for any body size, shape and ability level, specifically for fat bodies, there are some things that I do to adapt for tying bigger babes.

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Longer rope sections and learning how to extend rope is really important.

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A standard rope kit that most people start out with is two 30-foot sections and two 15-foot sections, where, if you're doing a lot of wraps around the body, that won't get you too far if you are working with a fat person.

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So, um, really learning how to extend the ropes and having long enough lengths, um, because it is important as well to do additional wraps around the body in order to have more weight distribution, um, especially with suspensions, because, like you mentioned it can, the more weight that is on the ropes, it can be more painful yeah, the distribution is interesting.

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Yeah, distribution, it definitely helps me to.

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I don't mean to be flip, but that's okay.

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Why, why would anybody do this?

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Like, why, what are you doing?

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What's that?

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that's a great question.

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Um, it's definitely a kink, so people are turned on by it.

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There is also that grounding part, and people will get a rope high as well it's called and can kind of get into this really lovely floaty sort of headspace, like a subspace Exactly and the meditative part of it at power exchange can be very appealing.

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So there's really a lot of reasons that people are interested in it.

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Yeah, for me I always think of the damsel in distress you know cartoon, where the girl gets tied up and put on the train tracks and then the you know person comes and saves the day, and just that kind of feeling I think I would get with shibari, like that's what I imagine.

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So I kind of feel like it seems very, um, very feminine to me in a way, but also like, um, very powerful in the same.

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Like it, like they mesh well together.

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Absolutely yeah, and that's something that I hear from a lot of people that I withstand the ropes, being able to sustain the ropes, being able to communicate throughout the scene All of that can be very empowering at the same time.

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Yeah, I think for people I'm just going to call myself a type A.

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I don't know if you would consider yourself a type A Murph, but it's nice to have to give up the control to somebody else sometimes.

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That's what is interesting to me.

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Rope can be an outlet for that, like having creative knots and being able to do these.

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You know, very restrictive things can actually be very sexy and very intimate.

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Slow, right, it's more slow.

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Definitely.

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I like that.

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Yeah, can definitely be more slow paced back.

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So this might be too personal, but do you like being um?

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What is the word tied up?

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Is you like beans bound?

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I do you do, I love it.

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Yeah, um bound or tied up, either one, um restrained, etc.

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Um, I do.

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I, I only self-tie.

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I haven't really been tied by others, partly because there are um more people interested in being tied than in tying.

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So once I started doing rope topping, um I, that's where my focus has been um, but I, since I really enjoy it as well for myself, um, that's why I do the self-ties that's before we started the recording.

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Today we were talking a little bit about the kink community and I know our listeners have heard me say this before.

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But when I had my boutique, when I would meet people that had really just, they couldn't find their spot.

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You know, they haven't found their community.

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They're still very self-conscious about being fat.

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I would tell them try to look for the kink people, kinky people in your community, because I find that the kink community is very body accepting.

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There's not as much body checking, it's just more, I don't know.

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People are more attracted to it or at least they seem to be at least polite about it.

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Right and um, I think that's so cool and I I guess I didn't realize that people.

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I would never understood why people were self-tying, like you said.

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I know we talked about how jessamine does that.

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She's the um, black fat yogi, but she's also kinky and she's also into shibari and she talks, talks about doing it on herself and so beautiful, and I saw some of your images where you've done it on yourself, also very beautiful.

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It's like I could see how that would be very meditative and, like you said, grounding.

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Thank you, I'm curious is there a specific type of rope that works well for fat bodies, or just what's your favorite?

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I'd love to know the answer to both.

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Yeah, so there are actually a lot of different types of rope that can be used, so it really depends on your personal preference and also what you're trying to accomplish.

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So there's soft cotton.

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Woven silk or synthetic rope is good for decorative ties and light bondage.

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Hemp or jute rope for suspensions and more intense bondage.

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Then there's even coconut rope, which is more sadistic.

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It's very scratchy.

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I personally am not a fan.

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For myself, I use a 16-strand braided jute rope.

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I buy it raw and I process it myself, so that essentially means that I run it through a flame in order to burn off the little fuzzies and this is something that you do multiple times throughout the life of the rope times throughout the life of the rope and I condition it with a combination of coconut oil and jojoba oil to make it smoother, and that also helps with antibacterial properties as well for it.

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And most people use a six millimeter sized rope, so that's what I use for bondage ties, harnesses and ties on the body and then for my uplines.

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When I'm doing suspension, I especially if I am tying a fat body I will use a really hefty upline rope, so I'll use a generally a 10 millimeter.

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How do?

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Are you considered a rigger?

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Yes, how do riggers and people that want to be tied up find each other?

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Oh well, Wait, wait, wait.

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Can you explain what a rigger is first and then?

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answer that question Absolutely.

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I was thinking of our audience going, like what I'm going to have to urban dictionary.

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This All right, sorry, yeah, audience going like what I'm going to have to urban dictionary this All right, sorry, yeah, so a rigger is the person who is doing the tying, so a rigger or a rope top, and then the person being tied is referred to as the rope bottom or the rope bunny, and those people find each other on websites like FetLife, find each other at local events.

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So if you're able to find local kink events happening in your area, a social or a munch that is put on by a local group, is a really great place to go to get to know people.

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As you start getting to know people in the community, chances are someone will do rope or know someone who does rope, and so it's really just making those personal connections with others in the community.

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When you mentioned antibacterial, it just got me thinking Is that something you have to think of?

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Like, if you go to, let's say, there's a party or a big group of people and different people want to be tied up, does everybody get their?

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own rope.

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Is it okay to use the same rope on a second body or how does that work?

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Yeah, that's a great question.

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So it is okay to use rope on multiple people.

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Some people prefer to have their own set and just be tied in their own ropes.

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Some couples like to have rope that they just use for the two of them and then maybe have other ropes that they may use with other people.

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But really the important thing is that if the ropes are getting anywhere near genitals or bodily fluids, then to wash them in between uses, and even if you're at a party or somewhere where you may not have the opportunity to wash them in between, even wrapping plastic wrap or tape around the part of the rope that will be near bodily fluids is a way that you can prevent anything.

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How do you wash rope anything else?

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How do you wash rope so you can wash them by hand in mild dish soap, like diluted dish soap, and water, and then hang them to dry.

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After that you would need to reprocess them, most likely, or add a conditioning oil to them again.

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So for our viewers, our listeners that can't view us, would you mind describing what you have behind you and your mannequin back there?

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Oh, absolutely.

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So I have my mannequin here that I practice harnesses on.

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Beautiful.

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So I'm in my little shibari studio right now.

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So I have that and I also have my hard point from the ceiling and I have some ropes hanging from that as well.

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The hard point is that where I'm guessing that's like in the studs of the home or the apartment, so it's like very safe.

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It is yeah.

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So I'm lucky enough that one of my partners is a carpenter, so you're very able to come and evaluate the hard points and make sure they are safe.

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And then I bought a actually a swing attachment for like a hanging swing that was rated for up to a thousand pounds and had it installed to make sure that I had a really sturdy rigging point.

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I love it.

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I am just like I'm curious and like interested and excited.

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It's great.

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I think a lot of our'm curious and like interested and excited.

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It's great.

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I think a lot of our listeners are probably feeling the same way.

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Yeah, are there other best practices that you would say to know?

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You know when you get into this process, or you know that you're looking like only buy from these certain brands, or you know practice these kind of knots for safety and knowing, like you know, how it could hit on pressure points, or you know those types of things.

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Yeah, definitely Rope can be risky, especially depending on the types of ties.

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You're just starting out practicing a lot, mastering simple ties first and simple knots, familiarizing yourself with where nerve points and pressure points are in the body, main arteries all of that.

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Not doing ties that will block airways.

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That may seem obvious, but you know you'll see experienced riggers doing ties like that.

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But when you are first starting out it's best to really master the basics first.

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Um yeah, so starting slow, um educating yourself on the risks.

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Informed consent is key.

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If you're tying with somebody, make sure that you're both aware of the risks and communicating.

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Um, be cautious with rope tightness so you should always be able to put at least two fingers underneath the ropes.

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If you're able to fit two fingers under the ropes, then they like exactly Easy to remember.

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We all like the two fingers.

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Vagina owners tend to like the two fingers.

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For those of you that are like, what are you talking about?

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Because you can't see it, crystal when when I hope beck said two fingers, crystal made the come hither hot motion.

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That was pretty fantastic.

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When back when people are the rope bottom, are they supposed to try to get out of it themselves?

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Is like a challenge, or is it just like you have to wait for your rope top to take it off, or does it depend?

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oh, it depends um.

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Some brats really like to try and escape from their ruck.

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Um.

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So there are things called predicament ties, which are, um the challenging ties that you can try to escape.

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Um, if that that's the point of the scene, ideally, before the scene, the rigger and the rope bottom will negotiate and discuss the expectations, limits and boundaries for the scene, and, typically, though, the rigger is doing the untying at the end of the rope scene.

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But in case of an emergency, let's say with the rope bottom, would they be able to get out of it?

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It depends If it is a really simple tie, possibly.

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However, it's important to have safety shears, or trauma shears, at all times and have them within reach.

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Having a spotter as well if you're self tying, is important.

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There's definitely been times where I've gotten stuck in a suspension and my spotter had to help me down, so those are definitely best practices.

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Thank you, that's fantastic.

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Yeah, kind of thinking along with best practices.

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Are there accessories or things that are helpful, particularly for fat bodies or just in general?

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Yeah.

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So back to some suspension best practices and safety with that.

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When you are doing a suspension, you create an upline between an anchor point on the body, usually attached to a harness, and a hard point like the one behind me that we talked about, and essentially, without getting too much into the mechanics of it, you are creating a pulley by looping the rope through that anchor point and the hard point.

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To reduce the strain on the ropes and also to reduce the friction, I use carabiners for those, so those are a part of my toolbox and add an extra loop in the pulley as well.

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So that's one of the main things that I would say is important to have on hand.

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Where does one kinky person shop for these kinky things?

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Where does one kinky person shop for these kinky things?

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So, funnily enough, a lot of the rope accessories that I have I've gotten from like rock climbing places.

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That's been a good resource for ropes and carabiners.

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Home Depot.

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Yeah, you can shop at Home Depot as well.

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There are, of course, rope specific websites as well.

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One of my favorites is the Twisted Monk.

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I recommend them for rope kits and for accessories as well.

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Fantastic.

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Would you spell that too for us?

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Yes, it's the.

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And then twisted T-W-I-S-T-E-D Monk M-O-N-K.

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G-e-d Monk M-O-N-K.

00:20:53.176 --> 00:20:53.817
Fantastic.

00:20:53.817 --> 00:21:03.984
We had thrown this out to our listeners on the socials and asked you know, what would you like to ask someone who's an expert in shibari?

00:21:03.984 --> 00:21:13.528
And this individual said my wife was thinking about the consideration or modifications for fat bodies and what that looks like.

00:21:13.528 --> 00:21:23.244
Everything seems to be designed for the quote normal figure and then modified with that translation.

00:21:23.244 --> 00:21:25.919
Some ties are for beauty, some are for function.

00:21:25.919 --> 00:21:29.299
How do the wizards of the world decipher that?

00:21:30.411 --> 00:21:32.839
Could you repeat the end of the question?

00:21:33.210 --> 00:21:35.832
Yes, I think there's two questions in there.

00:21:35.832 --> 00:21:41.082
I think it's what are the consideration or modifications for fat bodies?

00:21:41.082 --> 00:21:47.727
And then, kind of like, there are things you know that are designed for the more normal figured folk.

00:21:47.727 --> 00:22:01.201
You know the straight size, as we would say, and like, how do you basically recognize or decipher between, like, which ones are for beauty and which ones are for, like, the really high functioning?

00:22:01.201 --> 00:22:06.617
You know really expert bondage rope?

00:22:06.698 --> 00:22:08.161
Okay, gotcha.

00:22:08.260 --> 00:22:10.765
Okay, what do we call people that are into shibari?

00:22:10.765 --> 00:22:14.720
Sorry, there's another question on top of a bunch of questions.

00:22:17.250 --> 00:22:28.595
So rope curious or kink curious, interested in the bondage part of BDSM Breakers and rope bunnies.

00:22:29.377 --> 00:22:36.259
Okay, yeah, we need like a fun, like name for shibari folk.

00:22:36.259 --> 00:22:43.217
We're right, shibari shorties the shibari oh, I like that one yeah shoddy.

00:22:43.217 --> 00:22:45.421
Okay, sorry, we were off track with that.

00:22:45.421 --> 00:22:49.777
Uh, so the question was modifications for fat bodies.

00:22:49.777 --> 00:22:57.496
And then just like, how do you decipher with the um for more like beauty photographic kind of thing, rather than like the?

00:22:57.496 --> 00:23:01.703
Um, really high functioning um, expert kind of rope?

00:23:02.371 --> 00:23:02.811
gotcha.

00:23:02.811 --> 00:23:03.593
Um.

00:23:03.593 --> 00:23:25.144
So as far as modifications for fat bodies, um, additional wraps around the body, like we talked about a bit, to distribute the weight distribution a little bit more, and having long enough ropes, or even like a thicker rope than the six millimeter.

00:23:25.144 --> 00:23:30.017
You can go up to eight millimeter and that may be more comfortable for some people.

00:23:30.017 --> 00:23:43.382
Experimenting with the type of rope that you want to use Cotton is good if you're doing floor ties and not doing anything that's too complicated and that can feel really nice on the skin as well.

00:23:43.382 --> 00:23:46.352
As you're learning, some of the natural fibers can be a bit scratchy.

00:23:46.352 --> 00:24:00.593
And then, as far as function versus beauty, I think it depends a little bit about what you're intending the use to be for function.

00:24:00.593 --> 00:24:05.083
Are you looking at like bedroom bondage, like a spread eagle pose?

00:24:06.810 --> 00:24:10.353
Yeah, I'm assuming that, and I think most of our listeners would be.

00:24:10.393 --> 00:24:40.622
So go ahead with that scenario where ropes cross over each other and add sturdiness with different layers of knots and layering of the ropes to add tension and friction on the lines to make it more secure.

00:24:40.622 --> 00:24:50.901
You may not see as much of that and something that's more for aesthetic purposes and then for something that is built for function or for play.

00:24:50.901 --> 00:24:55.528
Then it may be more secure, able to kind of hold on to it and pull it.

00:24:55.528 --> 00:24:58.596
It'll hold its shape, yeah.

00:24:58.616 --> 00:24:59.317
Does that make sense?

00:24:59.317 --> 00:25:01.624
Yeah, yeah, no, that's great, great.

00:25:01.624 --> 00:25:10.894
I'm curious about resources, like are there places that you would really suggest or point people to that are just starting to get into this?

00:25:10.894 --> 00:25:16.094
You know, I know you do your own classes and those types of things too, so I'd love if you could share about that.

00:25:16.094 --> 00:25:19.001
But just, you know people want to know more.

00:25:19.001 --> 00:25:19.730
Where should they go?

00:25:20.613 --> 00:25:21.894
Absolutely so.

00:25:21.894 --> 00:25:26.943
The website that I point people to first is called the Duchy.

00:25:26.943 --> 00:25:30.214
It is where I started learning rope.

00:25:30.214 --> 00:25:32.519
It's the d?

00:25:32.519 --> 00:25:49.638
U c-C-H-Ycom, and they have a lot of really great content, everything from body mapping for nerves and arteries up to more advanced suspensions and advanced ties.

00:25:49.638 --> 00:25:53.480
They do have a lot of free content, which is great, and then, at a membership level, you can access the higher level type things.

00:25:53.480 --> 00:26:04.601
They do have a lot of free content, which is great, and then, at a membership level, you can access the higher level type things, but there's a lot of free content for if you're just starting out learning, and they do have on many of the ties.

00:26:04.601 --> 00:26:08.993
They do have adaptions as well for different body types and sizes.

00:26:10.016 --> 00:26:10.616
That's awesome.

00:26:10.616 --> 00:26:17.751
So is this arousing for the person doing the tying and the person who's being tied up?

00:26:17.751 --> 00:26:19.174
One or the other both?

00:26:19.174 --> 00:26:20.438
Is there a goal?

00:26:21.441 --> 00:26:22.944
It definitely can be.

00:26:22.944 --> 00:26:24.729
Yeah, it is.

00:26:24.729 --> 00:26:34.403
I think it depends on the nature of the relationship as well as the negotiations that have gone into it.

00:26:34.403 --> 00:26:36.691
But yeah, it definitely can be arousing.

00:26:36.691 --> 00:26:46.377
There's a lot of stimulation, there's that definite power exchange and, ideally, a lot of trust as well, which can be arousing, and so it can be very sensual.

00:26:47.540 --> 00:26:48.143
Sounds like fun.

00:26:49.853 --> 00:26:50.815
Exactly when could you try?

00:26:50.855 --> 00:26:50.914
it.

00:26:50.914 --> 00:26:53.000
Oh yeah, Do you?

00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:54.082
Want to tie-er or you want to be tied up.

00:26:55.430 --> 00:26:56.957
I'd want to be tied up for sure.

00:26:58.371 --> 00:27:01.740
Yeah, I think I don't know if I'd want to be suspended.

00:27:01.740 --> 00:27:04.920
I don't think I'd be as interested in that maybe.

00:27:04.920 --> 00:27:22.234
But I think, just like the binding, like you know, I think I would enjoy just in general, but especially if it's, you know, got a, I would enjoy just in general, but especially if it's, you know, got a sexy element to it, absolutely Kind of like a weighted blanket right, like it just kind of adds extra in a way.

00:27:22.234 --> 00:27:27.955
That's kind of like, you know, I don't know, and I think you could definitely, you know, use it in role playing.

00:27:27.955 --> 00:27:36.974
I think you could, you know, adapt it to you know, some, maybe some simple aspects to tying that you know you could just enjoy in the bedroom.

00:27:36.974 --> 00:27:38.659
You know that wouldn't be so intricate.

00:27:38.659 --> 00:27:41.132
I think there's a lot of versatility.

00:27:41.132 --> 00:27:43.916
Is breast bondage?

00:27:43.916 --> 00:27:46.643
Is that just porn or is that a thing?

00:27:46.643 --> 00:27:53.163
Is it like a part of the rope bondage world or is that just like porn for people to masturbate to thing?

00:27:55.470 --> 00:27:57.093
Oh that's absolutely a thing, it is okay, it absolutely is.

00:27:57.113 --> 00:28:11.421
Yeah, breast torture, um, a big element of um that is breast bondage and the like a muffin or a cupcake sort of shape that people go for the ropes around each individual breast.

00:28:12.521 --> 00:28:14.765
What does breast torture include?

00:28:16.047 --> 00:28:18.830
oh well, things like well.

00:28:18.830 --> 00:28:30.656
When you have ropes around the breasts, when they're bound, especially separately, it will trap some of the the blood flow and so they'll get a little bit more swollen and more sensitive.

00:28:30.656 --> 00:28:44.271
So lightly like flicking, biting, or not even lightly, depending on what you're into Riding crap a lot of people enjoy on their breasts as well.

00:28:45.394 --> 00:28:55.393
I used to have a boutique that specialized in lingerie for fat babes and sometimes people would come in and they would change into a different lingerie and they have us come back there and help them.

00:28:55.393 --> 00:28:57.898
Like huh, what's that?

00:28:57.898 --> 00:28:59.622
Looks like felt bits.

00:28:59.622 --> 00:29:00.403
Yeah, they are.

00:29:00.403 --> 00:29:02.074
What are those bruises?

00:29:02.074 --> 00:29:05.742
They're like, yeah, or like you know, it's interesting if you see a.

00:29:05.742 --> 00:29:10.141
When you know more too, you start go, uh, okay oh, yeah, you don't know, you're like.

00:29:10.161 --> 00:29:14.691
Oh, I hope she's okay, you know, you know right once you know you can't know.

00:29:16.694 --> 00:29:20.220
Impact play is uh important for a, for a lot of people.

00:29:20.220 --> 00:29:38.152
Um, yeah, I'm, I'm curious, like what you hear is you know like the reasons people um find shibari, you know sexual, also comforting, like, have you had like anecdotal you know experience?

00:29:38.152 --> 00:29:41.961
Just tell us of stories you know, like those kind of things?

00:29:43.089 --> 00:29:47.233
Yeah, so I have.

00:29:47.233 --> 00:29:52.979
I'll give an example with one of my current rope partners.

00:29:52.979 --> 00:30:22.563
So she had been involved in kink years ago and had some unfortunate experiences and then got away from kink for a while and then when we met we got on the topic and started talking about ropes and she was really interested in getting back into it and for her it was because of the headspace she really enjoyed.

00:30:22.563 --> 00:30:29.297
It was very important to her to tie with somebody that she trusted, because that headspace can be so vulnerable.

00:30:29.297 --> 00:30:33.608
Subspace is something that you want to enter with someone that you trust.

00:30:33.608 --> 00:30:38.500
So we started really slowly building a ropes relationship.

00:30:40.685 --> 00:31:03.374
The first time that we attempted a suspension she actually had a trauma response in the middle of it, which resulted in an emergency cutting of the ropes in order to get her down and take care of her afterwards, which actually ended up building the trust more between us.

00:31:03.374 --> 00:31:09.990
And then we continued working together and she now can sustain a suspension.

00:31:09.990 --> 00:31:23.433
We've done performances together and it's been this really beautiful sort of reclaiming of kink for her and this empowering experience for both of us, as we've really developed this beautiful relationship.

00:31:24.355 --> 00:31:27.402
Oh, thank you for sharing that.

00:31:27.402 --> 00:31:28.344
That was beautiful.

00:31:28.344 --> 00:31:37.863
Yeah, wow, I think people don't realize how powerful this practice can be, how liberating it can be.

00:31:37.863 --> 00:31:40.125
It's just, it's beautiful.

00:31:41.289 --> 00:31:49.144
Yeah, it really can be, and it can be very, yeah, liberating, like you said, healing.

00:31:50.010 --> 00:31:58.605
Yeah, I'm sure it can be very healing, but also almost like you have to be somewhat trauma-informed as well, just in case things go wonky Absolutely.

00:31:58.605 --> 00:32:03.942
Is there a big aftercare component of all of this?

00:32:04.710 --> 00:32:05.550
There is.

00:32:05.550 --> 00:32:09.978
Yes, aftercare is really important, trauma-informed also.

00:32:09.978 --> 00:32:39.071
I actually, when I negotiate with a new person who I'm going to be tying with, I have a whole list of questions that I send them and that I have to fill out and we discuss and that includes things like medical history, trauma responses and aftercare preferences, trauma responses and aftercare preferences.

00:32:39.071 --> 00:32:41.518
So a lot of people, for aftercare at least, want to be held while they come down from the scene.

00:32:41.518 --> 00:32:47.011
I always do a little bit of massage afterward, some stretching, hydrating.

00:32:47.011 --> 00:33:03.386
People tend to have an adrenaline response when in ropes, especially if it's a more intense tie, and so having some snacks on hand and some blankets, because people will get kind of colds as they come down from a scene.

00:33:03.386 --> 00:33:06.329
So that's important, yes, please.

00:33:07.833 --> 00:33:14.542
Yeah, and for some people too, aftercare can look like more physical touch.

00:33:14.542 --> 00:33:17.446
Sometimes there will be a sexual component.

00:33:18.508 --> 00:33:37.138
That's agreed upon as well and worked into that vibrators like, maybe a little bit of like, vibration torture.

00:33:37.138 --> 00:33:37.980
I can imagine that could be kind of fun.

00:33:37.980 --> 00:33:43.921
You know you're kind of teasing them with a vibrator on their clitoris or their nipples or I don't know what genitals the person owns.

00:33:43.921 --> 00:33:46.146
But you know, do you, does that ever get involved?

00:33:46.146 --> 00:33:47.036
Does that ever get included?

00:33:47.736 --> 00:33:48.396
absolutely.

00:33:48.396 --> 00:33:51.279
Oh, sex toys, hello, hello.

00:33:51.279 --> 00:33:54.742
Yeah, I personally love sex toys.

00:33:54.742 --> 00:34:03.932
I am also a big impact top, so anytime I can combine all of those things, even sensation play, I love all of that.

00:34:03.932 --> 00:34:09.682
Some people do find ropes very stimulating on their own and prefer to just keep it to ropes.

00:34:09.682 --> 00:34:10.503
To just keep it to ropes.

00:34:10.503 --> 00:34:23.179
Other people again, depending on what's been negotiated beforehand, will enjoy some impact or flogging while in the ropes or afterwards.

00:34:23.179 --> 00:34:38.965
I have another rope bottom who I've been tying with for a few years, who when we first started out we were just tying and then eventually they were interested in experimenting a bit with some impact but didn't really think they were much for pain, and now they really enjoy impact.

00:34:38.965 --> 00:34:41.268
So they consider themselves an impact bottom as well.

00:34:41.268 --> 00:34:45.405
And that all started because of our ropes journey and working it into our rope scenes.

00:34:46.614 --> 00:34:53.304
It seems like such a community.

00:34:53.304 --> 00:35:02.248
You're doing a practice that really builds a community, because there's so much behind the intention of what it is that you're doing.

00:35:02.248 --> 00:35:04.755
It's really fascinating.

00:35:06.056 --> 00:35:06.416
It is.

00:35:06.416 --> 00:35:23.268
There is a big community and, to your earlier point as well, talking about, and to your earlier point as well, talking about or when you asked about where people could find other rope community and with just starting out, look for rope jams.

00:35:23.268 --> 00:35:40.175
Those are something that a lot of local kink groups will offer and people who are more experienced with ropes will do skill shares or rope jams where everyone gets together and ties and it's a it's usually a pretty casual environment and a good place to learn and meet people.

00:35:40.697 --> 00:35:42.840
Murph let's find some, some jams.

00:35:42.840 --> 00:35:50.963
I know I'm absolutely like, okay, writing it down, come back later and go google it Beck what'd you say are.

00:35:51.003 --> 00:35:51.302
Are those?

00:35:51.342 --> 00:35:56.503
like PG-13 kind of events, these jams, or is there there's nudity maybe.

00:35:57.516 --> 00:35:58.601
It depends.

00:35:58.601 --> 00:35:59.217
There can.

00:35:59.217 --> 00:36:04.467
There can be Normally for skill shares or rope jams.

00:36:04.467 --> 00:36:13.384
Those aren't considered play parties, so it's usually more vanilla attire and more just to meet people and learn some new skills.

00:36:13.664 --> 00:36:18.289
I was going to ask do you have a favorite style that you like to do?

00:36:18.289 --> 00:36:28.014
Either have on or create, or have someone I don't know you say apply to you or, like you know, put on you.

00:36:29.094 --> 00:36:36.847
Yeah, so for myself, I really enjoy when I'm self-tying leg ties.

00:36:36.847 --> 00:37:02.898
I really like the afutomomo it's called which is where you attach the ankle to the thigh and so your leg is bent like this and it actually translates to something like fat leg, which is fun, because there's something in Chibari called the squish, which you're purposefully creating rolls and these lovely shapes on the body, and so I love the celebration of that.

00:37:02.898 --> 00:37:05.583
So that's a tie that I really enjoy.

00:37:05.583 --> 00:37:16.317
As far as tying other people, I love chest harnesses and full body harnesses, similar to the one on the mannequin behind me.

00:37:17.438 --> 00:37:18.380
How long have you been doing this?

00:37:19.804 --> 00:37:23.896
I have been doing shibari seriously for about five years.

00:37:23.896 --> 00:37:51.782
I was always interested in bondage and in kink, you know, since the time I was sexually active and then got into Shibari because an ex of mine was interested in bondage and rope specifically and I thought oh, maybe I'll just, you know, learn a couple, a couple things like some handcuffs for the bedroom or whatever and then ended up falling completely in love with it.

00:37:51.782 --> 00:37:53.525
What do you call that?

00:37:53.565 --> 00:37:54.128
room.

00:37:54.128 --> 00:37:54.407
What is that?

00:37:54.407 --> 00:37:59.159
You call that your room, that you're in right now my studio, but you call it your rope studio.

00:37:59.601 --> 00:37:59.842
Yeah.

00:38:00.494 --> 00:38:01.157
Is it just a?

00:38:01.157 --> 00:38:04.943
Is it all you do in that room, or do you have a television there, like what else goes on?

00:38:05.525 --> 00:38:10.155
No, oh, I have a theatric chaise chair.

00:38:10.155 --> 00:38:13.601
I have my.

00:38:13.601 --> 00:38:18.356
I have a big wooden chest that has all of my floggers and implements in it.

00:38:18.356 --> 00:38:20.262
There's a fireplace.

00:38:20.603 --> 00:38:21.164
I see that.

00:38:21.605 --> 00:38:23.047
Yeah, I have a lot of plants.

00:38:23.047 --> 00:38:29.467
Lots of fun stuff happens in this room Right Like hey, what can we do?

00:38:29.527 --> 00:38:31.759
Like, what are the MTV cribs you know?

00:38:31.759 --> 00:38:33.762
Yeah, it's awesome.

00:38:33.762 --> 00:38:41.085
I thought you were going to say a takeover, come visit, so tell us more about how people can find out more about you.

00:38:41.085 --> 00:38:42.641
I know you have a really awesome Instagram.

00:38:42.641 --> 00:38:47.682
Can you tell everybody where your Instagram is, what your Instagram is and then other resources that you have?

00:38:47.682 --> 00:38:49.561
Are you teaching any classes anytime soon?

00:38:49.561 --> 00:38:51.623
Do you do stuff via Zoom?

00:38:51.623 --> 00:38:52.800
Tell us all that good stuff.

00:38:53.775 --> 00:38:57.597
So I am mostly just on Instagram right now.

00:38:57.597 --> 00:39:02.981
I do have a FetLife as well, but I'm not very active.

00:39:02.981 --> 00:39:25.407
Shabari, R-E-B-E-L, R-O-P-E-S-H-I-B-A-R-I, and then FetLife is daddy underscore Beck B-E-C.

00:39:25.407 --> 00:39:27.581
Do you have a website?

00:39:27.581 --> 00:39:29.760
I do not have a website.

00:39:29.780 --> 00:39:30.423
Okay, cool.

00:39:30.574 --> 00:39:32.422
No, I'm just on those two right now.

00:39:32.422 --> 00:39:37.266
As far as classes, I do teach private lessons.

00:39:37.266 --> 00:39:53.905
I do that here in Buffalo, new York, and getting in touch with me via Instagram is a good place to do that, or my email, which is rebelropes at gmailcom.

00:39:54.487 --> 00:39:54.869
Perfect.

00:39:54.869 --> 00:40:04.487
So if somebody wanted to come to you to get trained or learn more, is that something you can charge for and you can like turn into a I don't know career?

00:40:04.695 --> 00:40:06.742
Yeah, it's kind of my little side hustle.

00:40:06.742 --> 00:40:17.760
It started out as a hobby and then people asked me to do some classes, some performances locally, and it has grown a bit from there.

00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:20.724
How cool.

00:40:20.744 --> 00:40:21.206
Yeah.

00:40:21.246 --> 00:40:21.586
Yeah.

00:40:22.675 --> 00:40:28.128
Well, thank you so much for your time and telling us about that.

00:40:28.128 --> 00:40:39.907
I think so many people are just going to be like go ahead and find you, because this has been a topic that a lot of our listeners have said.

00:40:39.907 --> 00:40:49.347
You know they were interested in different types of kink and those types of things, and so this has been super informative like super, super informative and fun.

00:40:50.777 --> 00:40:53.664
So I think it's definitely going to bring a lot of people out.

00:40:53.664 --> 00:40:59.418
Murph, yeah, you know we didn't do last night with reagan which we would probably never do with reagan, but we should definitely do it back.

00:40:59.418 --> 00:41:01.304
What's your favorite sex toy?

00:41:01.304 --> 00:41:20.411
It's hard to limit it down to one, I know right I have so many me too, us too, all of us, all three of us so I am really a fan of the satisfier s2 really, it's a classic I love that one.

00:41:21.052 --> 00:41:26.784
Um, I do also have a strap, a strap on with a vibrator in it.

00:41:26.784 --> 00:41:32.056
That I also the field of joy nice is the brand, the field, oh I think it is.

00:41:32.217 --> 00:41:33.338
Yeah, that was the first.

00:41:33.338 --> 00:41:35.360
Do you know about that one, marge?

00:41:35.360 --> 00:41:39.425
Isn't that the one that you put it in?

00:41:39.425 --> 00:41:40.987
Like you insert it?

00:41:40.987 --> 00:41:44.791
Yeah yeah, your vaginal muscles kind of hang on to it.

00:41:44.851 --> 00:41:45.351
Hold on yeah.

00:41:45.735 --> 00:41:52.268
It has the sort of like silicone penis extension thingy that pops out.

00:41:52.268 --> 00:41:53.496
Do your feet a little.

00:41:53.496 --> 00:41:55.318
It's still a little bit difficult to use silicone penis extension thingy that pops out.

00:41:55.318 --> 00:41:58.043
It's a little bit difficult to use it with fat bodies.

00:41:58.043 --> 00:42:00.208
I found you have to get the extra long one.

00:42:00.208 --> 00:42:04.016
Yes, I have found that as well.

00:42:04.838 --> 00:42:16.224
Yeah, I found that it is easier to use if I'm being ridden, if I'm wearing it and then someone is riding me.

00:42:16.224 --> 00:42:17.815
That seems to work a little better Sure sure.

00:42:17.815 --> 00:42:20.121
But yeah, the longer one does work, better.

00:42:20.362 --> 00:42:25.882
Yeah, yeah, or if one of the people are thinner, it works a little bit differently too.

00:42:25.882 --> 00:42:28.355
But yeah, it's a cool product.

00:42:28.355 --> 00:42:31.686
They really kind of they took that whole game.

00:42:31.686 --> 00:42:35.465
They took it up a step with that type of toy or tool.

00:42:35.465 --> 00:42:36.860
It was more like a tool than a toy.

00:42:36.860 --> 00:42:44.684
Right, it's also not sheep, it's really but it's well-made in silicone, so medical-grade silicone, awesome.

00:42:44.724 --> 00:42:45.606
Well, thank you so much.

00:42:45.606 --> 00:42:50.380
We really appreciate you sharing everything with us and thank you for sharing your Instagram and Murph.

00:42:50.380 --> 00:42:53.626
Do you want to tell everybody how they can subscribe and find us?

00:42:53.626 --> 00:43:03.940
Yes, you can find us on all the socials, at Big Sexy Chat, and you can find us on Spotify and Apple and all the places.

00:43:03.940 --> 00:43:20.378
So the best thing that you could do for us is to leave us a review, share with your friends like, subscribe, all the things, but the biggest is just tell somebody else about this, because maybe they'd learn something really, really cool and it would help you know some new chapter of their life.

00:43:20.378 --> 00:43:33.608
So those types of things are important to us and you'll find that kind of content on our socials, absolutely, and if you have any questions for us or any suggestions, you can email us at bigsexychatpod at gmailcom.

00:43:33.608 --> 00:43:36.277
And thanks a million back.

00:43:36.277 --> 00:43:39.164
This was really fun, I love it and I'm going to say now see you later.

00:43:39.164 --> 00:43:40.677
Alligator, after a while.

00:43:40.677 --> 00:43:41.400
Crocodile.

00:43:42.161 --> 00:43:42.945
Gotta go buffalo.