March 23, 2025
Fat Con, Kink & Fat Liberation
Chrystal and Merf are back with a bold and juicy new episode diving into Fat Con 2025, kink exploration, and radical fat liberation.
💥 Merf shares her journey into kink—including rope classes made for fat bodies, becoming a pleasure Dom, and creating a power exchange dynamic with her husband.
 🔥 Chrystal dishes on Fat Con highlights, from powerful rope performances and fat-positive representation to surprise celebrity run-ins and fat joy in full bloom.
 🎤 Merf also recounts a powerful, impromptu fat liberation speech she gave to a room full of doctors—and the ripple effect it created.
🎬 Plus: Oscars chat, Lizzo discourse, Kendrick Lamar’s halftime brilliance, the rise of diet culture (again), and why representation still matters—everywhere.
Also in this episode:
- Fat Lab rope space in Oakland
- Madam Helix & Otter Viking
- New Big Sexy Merch up to size 8X
- Healing through kink and aftercare
- The politics of bodies, power, and pleasure
💌 Email us: bigsexychatpod@gmail.com
 📲 Follow us on socials: @BigSexyChat
 👕 Shop merch and support the show: bigsexychat.com
BigSexyChat.com appreciates you and our community. We do this for you, so if you ever have any ideas about a subject we can discuss for you, email us at bigsexychatpod@gmail.com.
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Chrystal also sells sex toys via her website BlissConnection.com and you can use the code BSC20 for 20% off.
Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!
00:00 - Welcome to Big Sexy Chat
00:26 - Current Political Climate Discussion
04:05 - Crystal's FatCon 2025 Experience
07:21 - BDSM & Rope Bondage Exploration
21:45 - Crystal's Leadership Cohort Presentation
34:00 - Diet Culture & Celebrity Weight Loss
38:50 - Plus-Size Media & Representation
45:10 - Big Sexy Merch Launch & Closing
WEBVTT
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Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.
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I'm Crystal, I'm Murph.
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We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.
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We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community cannabis, cbd, you name it.
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We're going to talk about it.
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We are very excited to have you a part of our community.
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Welcome and enjoy.
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Hey, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.
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This is Crystal, and I'm here with my lovely co-host, murph Hi.
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Murph Hi.
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How are things?
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Oh, things have been very interesting and pretty wild lately.
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How about for you?
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Oh, I'm fine.
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I'm fine, we're fine, we're going to be fine.
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As the world is burning around us, this is fine, yeah, this is lovely.
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Yeah, in case somebody listens to this, in 10 years from now, we're in the middle of the hellscape that is the Trump is our president and Elon Musk is the co-president.
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Yeah, and the world is laughing at us and it has been quite an interesting first.
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What like 38?
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60 days?
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Yeah, don't even 45 days.
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So did you all see the Cybertruck with the red, white and blue flag on the side and Musk and Trump and JD Vance flag on the side, and the musk and trump and jd vance painting on the side of the cyber truck, which I like to call the incel mobile?
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And it said if vaginal dryness had a picture or a name like that would be it right there that I'm very dry.
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For the next year I'll probably be dry seriously.
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Oh, the three and that cyber truck is such a piece of shit oh and yeah, where I have the most visceral like I know visual response.
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When I see one of those, I'm just like, oh fucking dick, like that's literally like all I can think murph, there are so many right where I live, oh, I'm sure sane, it's so gross.
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I am sure you're in the heart of silicon valley, so you're seeing every douchebag and his brother but you know our political meetings that I go to.
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There's all these people organizing protests in front of the different tesla district dealerships which is awesome yeah, I've seen a lot of folks um graffitiing the actual wesla signs and stuff like that.
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They call them nazi mobiles, yeah the swastikars.
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Swastika, that's it.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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But so yeah, in 10 years hopefully, if we're living and alive and things are still, the world still exists right, you'll know why we were having so much existential dread right now.
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A big sexy chat, oh the yeah, every day I you know I mentioned this, but I just want to say this to everybody out there I realized how, how privileged I am and how I've thought about addiction because since he has taken office, I literally just make it day to day.
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I live through the day and then I'll live through tomorrow, when tomorrow happens.
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But I think of the office where Dwight is just freaking out because Jim is trying to turn into a vampire as a joke, but he thinks it might be real.
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So he's just one crisis at a time while he's doing something.
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That's all like one crisis at a time.
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That's all I can do, folks it's all I can do.
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I'm trying not to get sucked into the daily you know shit.
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But it's hard because everywhere and I have to see when I go to work for like eight or nine hours, I'm pretty much out of it.
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And it does make me, my brain, feel a little more, because when I get home, that's when I start taking all in.
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I'm like some days I have to just turn off because, well, tonight I'm gonna, I'm gonna enjoy the oscars and hopefully there'll be a little bit of politics in there where people be like fuck you or whatever you know.
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But yeah, it'll be a nice break tonight to watch that.
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I'm only living through the news with the Daily Show.
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Yeah, smart, that's a really great way, that's a great tactic to handle this one, yeah, anyway, so I thought today I would tell you a little bit since I haven't gotten to see or really chat with you a little bit about my trip to FatCon 2025.
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Oh yeah, I had a great time.
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It was January 31st through February 2nd and it was in Seattle again, like the first one that we all three went to and they're having another one.
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They already scheduled the next one for 2026 for January 16th through January 18th.
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So we'll see about go next year possibly.
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It was really good time and I got to see lots of my friends.
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Of course Tigress was there.
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You know we all love Tigress, love Tigress.
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I got to meet Lindley Ashline in person for the first time.
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Oh cool, yeah, it was really cool.
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We really got to get her on soon.
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And then I got to meet Ron from his podcast.
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Is that Wait For it?
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W-E-I-G-H-T.
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Yes, I've been.
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I've been like consuming that nonstop lately Great, great podcast.
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Oh, it's big run, yeah, great podcast and great podcast.
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Award-winning podcast, that's right.
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You know who else I got to meet on the elevator was Jayla from Lizzo's the show about the big girls.
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Oh, the one that could do the splits.
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Yeah, oh, the one that could do the splits.
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Yeah, nice, we shared an elevator.
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I was like I know you.
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She didn't say too much.
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Then I saw her later.
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Hi, miss Elevator, I know who you are now.
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It took me a minute.
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She wasn't all done up, she was just checking in, like me, so we were both kind of like.
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But anyway, just the two of us were on the elevator.
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I was like you know where do I know her from and she's lovely and beautiful.
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That was.
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That was exciting.
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She went to emmy or there's something, something.
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Yeah, anyway, um, there was a lot, of a lot more this year that I noticed more trans representation at fat con, lovely yeah, lots of queer uh representation, and then there was also some kinky representation there, which is interesting.
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So I want to tell you a little bit about some of the kink I got to take part in.
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I went to a rope bondage performance keen on Instagram.
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She was the rigger or the maybe rope top and then she had a rope bottom I'm not sure if those are the right words, but anyway, she had a person that she was suspending from her really cool, kind of like a swing set chrome swing set style thing that held the rope and the person and looked like it was holding her effortlessly.
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It was really cool, but there was a performance.
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It was really cool, but there was a performance.
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It wasn't really like a demonstration, so she wasn't really explaining what she was doing, they were just performing it.
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It was a scene and then people were very moved emotionally at the end and were like crying because they felt some kind of relief from it or release.
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It was interesting and you could tell there was a lot of trust between her and her rope bottom.
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But there were some things I've never seen before, like having her process at the end of it with a blanket over her.
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Apparently that's how she likes to process and then when she lifted the blanket off like 10 or 15 minutes later, she seemed like she was the robot, was still very emotional, she was tearful and everybody else was very tearful, a lot of people sitting around it.
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So it was really intense, it was really fascinating but yeah, lots of kinksters this time this year.
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Very cool, and you were doing something kind of kinky up there too, right?
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Well, I did do a talk about hot sex for fat folks.
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Yeah, and that was so much fun and I got I sold lots of sex toys while I was there.
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Nice, yeah it was really fun.
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That's fantastic.
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Well, I um I also have been involved in some kink stuff as a plate yeah, I want to learn about that.
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Tell me all about it.
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Yeah, yeah, I want to learn about that.
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Tell me all about it.
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Expectations, those types of things.
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So it was really just kind of like a rundown of that process and the dominatrix that was hosting it was very engaging, was interesting, and so I was like, hmm, I might want to look into having classes.
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Was this a class that was advertised as for all bodies, or was it just all comers, or was it All.
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Yep, okay, yeah, and actually it was part of, um, uh, a site that does parties afterwards, so it was like attend the workshop and then you can go to the party.
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We didn't go to the party, we just went to the workshop, but, um, it was pretty cool and it was like all right, this is really interesting and I thought, well, I would like to learn how to become a dominatrix from a dominatrix.
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And so what happened was I looked into a local dominatrix who is plus size.
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I don't know if she claims that she's fat, but she's a small fat if she is but she is local in Sacramento and had some really awesome options for learning, so I paid to have a three hour session and gain some knowledge from her.
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Her name on Instagram is madamhelix H-E-L-I-X, if you're interested in looking her up For sure.
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And so did the one-on-one class and that was really interesting, gained a lot of specific knowledge about myself because there was some asking of questions and things like that, and I found out that I am a pleasure, dom, this was just you alone, just you and her For a part of it.
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And then my husband was there so that we could role play some stuff and so I could practice practice, which was really cool.
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Um, you know, she'd give specific things to try, like hand movements instead of using words, um, talking very slowly when giving instructions.
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So it was really interesting, you know to, to have him come into the room and, like you know, have commands basically.
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So we've been working on a contract together to try out, so that's been fun.
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And he was like, let's go to a rope class.
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And I said okay, because it was specifically about fat bodies, and so we drove to Oakland and went to the class.
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It was super cool.
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It's called Fat Lab.
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It's a rope space for large body enthusiasts, rope enthusiasts.
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I follow them yes.
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Yeah.
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So it was really neat because we went and the studio is just gorgeous.
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I mean, it is like wood with the you know the hooks and everything, and then there's like these bamboo things that you can hang people from so you can multiple people can do it at one time, Just really.
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You know a beautiful space, very hygienic, very like you had to show your COVID vaccination, all those types of things, and the space was, or the folks that were there were just really like a well-rounded, diverse group of people.
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It was really cool because we had no real expectations, right.
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It was just like let's go and learn.
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And so they sat everybody down.
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Everybody had like a talk.
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I guess somebody in the rope community who's pretty popular, said some really negative stuff about fat bodies, and so the rest of the community basically stepped in and said no, you need to stop, you need to shut your mouth, and so they were talking about that, and so it was a great chance to kind of learn about how that impacted everybody.
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And, just like you know, a lot of them have had to hide their kinks or have been told that their bodies are too large to participate in rope or, like you know somebody who's like well experienced as the rope binder or the rope top.
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They would go up to those individuals and say, like I'd really like to work with you, and they'd be like nope, you're too, you're too over the size.
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Like I don't, I don't do that.
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Like nope you're too over the size.
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I don't do that.
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That's weird because I usually think of the kink community as being so open-minded about bodies and body size, age, all that stuff.
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Right.
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Well, and that was what was so cool, was they talked about that, as those were the things that happened years ago when they first started to get into the community, and now it sounds like they're really trying to build out a community of you.
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Come as you are.
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There were folks there that had fewer appendages like you know, limbs, they were doing it.
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There were people there that were practicing on themselves.
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There were poly couples that were there that were working as a team.
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It was really older, younger, like it was really cool.
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Really older, younger.
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It was really cool.
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And they did a demonstration.
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They actually showed how to bring someone from the floor up into the air and I was watching this and I was just like this is such an art, because they were so talented in how quickly they could get those knots undone, pull the person up a little bit more, tie them back up, go to the other side undo it, put it, you know, and it was just like wow, but she lifted the individual off of the bondage.
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If you want to get out of it urgently, yes, or if there's an emergency, obviously there's other ways to do that.
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But one of my best friends is a pro-dom and she works with all kinds of different body types at all different ages.
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I don't think she has no rules about anybody's body, there's just whoever wants to come and be treated to a session with her.
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Right, well, and that's really the way it should be.
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I mean, you're just involving yourself in that person's kink.
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It's not something that you have to claim is sexual.
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Sometimes, it can be a mental space that you just want to be in.
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Remember Beck told us when we talked to her about her shibari work is that it's ropist for all bodies.
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That's right and that was clear.
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You know from being there.
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After they did the demonstration, it was an hour of rope play and everybody was at different levels, but they were all trying new stuff and different sizes, bodies, different.
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You know, it was just a space where you could come and do rope and there was no judgment about anything.
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There were small fats, there were super fats.
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It was great because it was just like come as you are, try it out.
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At the fat con, the person that was being tied up with.
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I would say she was a larger human, maybe a small fat but tall.
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And then the person that was doing the tying, the otter viking that she calls herself.
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She identifies as fat and she's also probably like a small to mid fat in that.
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You know that parlance.
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But, um, it was so it was.
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It was definitely.
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You know.
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They weren't um, you know the typical, you know western beauty, ideal kind of thing.
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Neither one of them was just like like like every, like every other human in that at that, you know fat con, it was so cool and she did demonstrate, perform how, like beck was describing to us how they put if you're a heavier person, they widen how the rope gets tied to your appendages, your legs or whatever, so that it doesn't hurt.
00:15:23.866 --> 00:15:24.971
Yep, because?
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So then, because you spread out the where the I'm using my hands right now people are watching this on youtube, we'll see what we're talking about but they spread out the rope so that it's wider, so it's not digging into your fascia.
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I would say I have tender fascia.
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It doesn't dig into your fat right, so the weight gravity's not yanking you down and killing your skin yeah, and that's what what the individual who was hosting the fat lab said.
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They were like we're going to do reverse tension and so watching them do the reverse tension but also add in extra layers.
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This person was also a mid fat, but they were explaining like you can, you know, do a four tier around you know like, and that will give it basically the space so that it doesn't roll, because that's what happens is that it will roll and that's when it starts to hurt.
00:16:12.951 --> 00:16:16.889
So that, yeah, they gave different ways to do that, which was really cool.
00:16:16.889 --> 00:16:22.351
There's so much science behind how to tie rope correctly, a lot of physics.
00:16:22.351 --> 00:16:28.133
Yeah, I was like okay, boy Scouts, I see you, I see why you make these guys do all these different knots.
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Were there a lot of, was it mixed gender like?
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Were more women being tied?
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It was a really cool mix of people.
00:16:48.193 --> 00:16:51.976
Um, but yeah, there were some that were singles, you know, that were just like.
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This guy did this amazing.
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It was like um, it went all the way, started at the top of his thigh, went all the way down to his knee, um, and just roping himself and tying, and it became this just gorgeous teal piece of rope that he had just displayed.
00:17:07.932 --> 00:17:10.950
And I was like wow, man, like that's really cool.
00:17:10.950 --> 00:17:17.830
We didn't really play around with rope, we just kind of watched because we are so, so, so new to it.
00:17:17.830 --> 00:17:29.249
I was like no, we're probably going to do a 101 class for that, but I hear that there's one in Sacramento that's starting up and it's an all bodies, uh, rope group.
00:17:29.249 --> 00:17:37.487
So we're going to try that out too, yay yes, bring the fun to the fatties too, definitely yeah we like to do kinky fun things too.
00:17:38.308 --> 00:17:40.993
So you're imagine, imagine yourself you.
00:17:40.993 --> 00:17:44.747
You want to do more tying or do you want to receive the tying Both?
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A little of everything.
00:17:45.890 --> 00:17:47.553
I think I want to do a little bit of both.
00:17:47.553 --> 00:17:53.814
Yeah, I'm very interested in the breast compression tying.
00:17:53.814 --> 00:17:56.127
That looks really interesting.
00:17:56.127 --> 00:18:01.872
And then I like the idea of doing a role play.
00:18:01.872 --> 00:18:15.087
I always think of those black and white cartoons where the villain grabs the cute hourglass girl, throws him over, throws her over his shoulder and then, like, ties her to the railroad tracks, you know kind of thing.
00:18:15.087 --> 00:18:16.531
Um, so I don't know.
00:18:16.531 --> 00:18:24.732
Well, we might play around with that a little bit, um, but yeah, I'm also interested in time tying him up and seeing what that's you know all about.
00:18:30.380 --> 00:18:33.339
I've seen a lot of people do the rope bondage where the person's feet are sort of isolated and then they can do all kinds of things to those feet.
00:18:33.940 --> 00:18:35.005
Tickle, tickles.
00:18:35.005 --> 00:18:37.227
That was the next class I went to.
00:18:37.227 --> 00:18:57.267
So on Friday I went to a BDSM impact class where they talked about how to hit correctly, what different instruments you can use, different things that you can do, and they talked a bit about sensation play.
00:18:57.267 --> 00:19:00.299
But that's going to be another class that she's going to hold, so I'm going to go try that out too and see what that's like.
00:19:00.299 --> 00:19:06.429
But yeah, lots of new and interesting, exciting things on my end learning how to.
00:19:06.429 --> 00:19:15.961
New and interesting, exciting things on my end learning how to be a dom and I don't know, I might make a side gig out of it.
00:19:15.961 --> 00:19:24.688
I was saying to a friend I was like maybe I could have like an OnlyFans and like boss around Republican men and get their money you can and turn them into money pigs and just give you money, right.
00:19:24.728 --> 00:19:25.890
Like this is genius.
00:19:25.890 --> 00:19:27.173
This might be my side hustle.
00:19:29.299 --> 00:19:29.441
Totally.
00:19:29.441 --> 00:19:31.590
You can have a lot of fun with it and there's a lot of good money to be made in that industry.
00:19:31.631 --> 00:19:36.405
let me tell you yeah, it's mind-boggling how much people pay for this, especially for the in-person stuff.
00:19:36.405 --> 00:19:42.810
It's like wow, oh right, you see that people well, where I live, people have a lot of extra money to just play with, you know.
00:19:42.810 --> 00:19:44.422
So they have that fuck you money.
00:19:44.422 --> 00:19:49.330
So going to spending1,500 at a professional dominatrix for three hours is a big deal to them.
00:19:49.330 --> 00:19:51.473
Right, they show up with cash, you know.
00:19:51.473 --> 00:19:54.646
Yeah, that's, that's their self-care Basically.
00:19:54.646 --> 00:20:05.894
Yeah, escape, and that's one of the things I guess like about you know, I like to pretend that I'm submissive sometimes, but it's kind of like a vacation for me, a vacation for my brain.
00:20:05.894 --> 00:20:13.750
Yeah, you know, an hour or two where I don't have to make any decisions or that kind of thing interests me, but I'm very guilty of topping from the bottom.
00:20:16.403 --> 00:20:19.503
Yeah, I think that's kind of where I've always been is topping from the bottom.
00:20:19.503 --> 00:20:21.369
I'm excited.
00:20:21.661 --> 00:20:44.741
It seems like my husband is really interested in the idea of me being in total control, and that can even involve like requiring him to do housework and I'm like oh wait a minute here yes, mistress, j has some people that come over and just like clean the you know dust bunnies from the ceiling and mop the floor.
00:20:44.842 --> 00:20:51.529
And, yes, they pay her for the privilege to do that and that's one thing that Madam Helix said to me.
00:20:51.529 --> 00:21:01.804
She was like, if he's doing those things and you're regularly doing those things, think of all the extra time it's going to save for the two of you to be able to do this if you make him do those things.
00:21:02.445 --> 00:21:04.672
And I was like oh wait a second.
00:21:04.980 --> 00:21:06.224
I like this reframe.
00:21:06.224 --> 00:21:07.690
This is good.
00:21:10.201 --> 00:21:15.832
And there's people out there that will come and do that for you too, if you want to meet other people and bring them into your world.
00:21:15.832 --> 00:21:17.394
But yeah, that's a whole different thing.
00:21:17.394 --> 00:21:33.366
A lot of women that are killing it from doing this kind of work and it's, like you know, one more step to just murdering the patriarchy and just saying, fuck you.
00:21:33.468 --> 00:21:35.502
Right, give me your money.
00:21:35.502 --> 00:21:36.925
Fuck you, give me your money.
00:21:36.925 --> 00:21:38.549
That's right Now lick my boots.
00:21:38.951 --> 00:21:46.108
That's right, yeah, whatever we got to do it takes a village Murph, it sure does, oh Lord.
00:21:46.108 --> 00:21:50.607
Also, the impact play I was going to tell you.
00:21:50.607 --> 00:22:00.881
One of the best sellers at the FatCon was a little leather paddle that I brought that leaves the word slut on your skin after the person smacks you with it.
00:22:00.881 --> 00:22:04.705
And people were, of course, you know they're using it on each other in the hallways and stuff.
00:22:04.705 --> 00:22:09.883
I was like oh gosh, everybody likes that one one.
00:22:09.883 --> 00:22:12.213
They always like the one that says sled on it and it's you know, nice four letters, it's just like perfect, yeah.
00:22:12.233 --> 00:22:13.018
And then bam, it's just right there.
00:22:13.018 --> 00:22:14.223
But yeah, it's, uh, it's kind of fun that way.
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