Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.
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I'm Crystal, I'm Murph.
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We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.
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We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community cannabis, cbd you name it.
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We're going to talk about it.
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We are very excited to have you a part of our community.
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Welcome and enjoy.
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Hey there, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.
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My name is Crystal and today I have the privilege of having the lovely Ashley with us, who you might know as our editor and producer, and also, of course, my lovely co-host, merv Hi Al Hi, hi.
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Hi, that's right.
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Back at it again.
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Work about tonight for sure.
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Lots of going on in the fat world.
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We do and I think you know, it's one of those things where we took some concepts, some ideas and put them all together to kind of do a fat liberation pop culture discussion.
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Amen, I love it.
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Well, and it's been a while.
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I mean we have had a couple episodes where we talk about media and what's happening in the fat world out there in the fat community.
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We haven't done that in a while, so we thought it'd be nice to bring that back so everyone can kind of hear what's going on.
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Absolutely so.
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Did you see that Michelle Buteau is back at it again with survival of the thickest too?
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whoa, I did not tell me about it murph.
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So we have a second season of that amazing show, survival of the thickest.
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It was on netflix.
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Um, probably one of the most intelligently written shows.
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That is like a romantic comedy but really clearly showing body diversity, the characters there.
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It was very clear that there was the concept of anti-fatness in the world that she works in.
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World that she works in, she had some confidence, stuff that kind of took away from her life and then realized that that wasn't what was going to make her happy and changed her outlook, changed her behavior and really just started to thrive in the body that she's in, and so I am so looking forward to season two.
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I love the relationship that she has in that show.
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There's all these little different dynamic side stories with the other characters.
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It's going to be exciting.
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I love the other characters of that show.
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Has there been anything that kind of tells us what the second season is going to be about?
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Is it going to be different from the first season?
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Everything that I've seen has just kind of been like a continuation of their individual lives.
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You know, I think there was kind of a way that they put a bow on it if they didn't get a second season, but definitely the doors open if they wanted to continue with those stories, and it looks like that's what they're going to do.
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They may even introduce some new characters.
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I need all of Hollywood, whoever makes these shows, stop making 10 episodes.
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I need 23, like the old days.
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Right, I know they do that to test.
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I'm like I love it, I love it.
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Don't let it go away and please give her another season.
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Did you see that somebody, somewhere, they're going to stop making more episodes?
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It was also a great show.
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Yeah, I love bridget.
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It was such a good show too.
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It had a really great representation of queer culture and didn't make the story about her fatness and it was a really dynamic like I thought it was really going somewhere.
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I was super disappointed to see that they canceled.
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Me too.
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I love me some Bridget Everett.
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Yeah, and speaking of shows making things about their fatness, I don't know if you guys have seen or heard of Grotesquery, but it's a new Ryan Murphy show and he's the one who does American Horror Story and a ton of other things.
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Um, the grotesque gray on the surface is an incredible show and I was.
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I was so excited because there is a fat character on there and she's like she's, she's big, I mean, she's like really a genuinely fat person.
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Her name's Raven.
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Her, her real name is raven.
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She plays a character named merit and I and they made her smart too.
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So, like she's smart, she shows a lot of skin, like.
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It starts off with her in like tiny little shorts and like a crop top and I'm like, yeah, get it merit.
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And then outside, like, right after it establishes that she is this fucking smart, smart ass person.
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Just, she's smart, she's witty, she's great, she's beautiful.
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It immediately gets into her having an eating disorder, an addiction to food, yep thing.
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Her entire character at that after that point is about her being fat and her eating so much and her weight and her way and like and they made a point of being like of her mom in the show, going like she weighs 250 pounds and I'm like are you fucking kidding me?
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Really, this is what we're doing.
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Really.
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I am ryan murphy.
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I am disappointed.
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I am disappointed, I mean, and it's, it's not exactly like he is a is a fat, uh, ally in any way, shape or form, and and I think fat phobias and biases have really been a common theme in a lot of- it's been done a million times.
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Bring us something new and different.
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Like like Bridget Everett and Michelle Buteau and the Empire Ways show.
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It's so trite, it's like making a fat joke.
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It's so lazy.
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Right, well, and it's just, it's a constant.
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Right, well, and it's just, it's a constant.
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I mean, it's like you have the opportunity to really make a smart, sexy, beautiful character out of this person and instead you're like, well, she's got to have an eating disorder because her mom's an alcoholic and her dad's a sexaholic.
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So what can we give them?
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A child who has an eating disorder, and oh, she's going to overeat.
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And it's like, could you not, could you fucking not?
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Like I'm glad that they made her smart.
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I'm yeah, it is, it's a lazy and it's just, it was so disappointing.
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I love the show, except for every single thing that has to do with her eating stuff.
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Well, I think of, like the name of the show.
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Like you can't, if you're gonna have the name of the show be a grotesquery, and then you're going to make a very obvious like character plot line be about fatness and anti-fat, like, and you make that person do something that's grotesque.
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It's like are you trying to be meta here or are you just being a dick?
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right, yep, and that's I was.
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I saw.
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It's just.
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It's so frustrating that, like we've come so far in fat liberation and we've seen so many other shows and so much in culture and media where they're starting to be acceptance, where we've gotten sexy characters, where we've gotten regular people and we don't have to address their fatness, and then we here in 2024 are going oh well, let's put a really smart, beautiful character on here, but let's make it so that way she has a severe eating disorder and that's her entire personality.
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So tired.
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Do you remember when this Is Us came out?
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People like Crystal and that's her entire personality.
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So tired.
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Do you remember when this Is Us came out, people were like Crystal, you're going to love this show.
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The woman that's the lead, she's fat.
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She's like obviously fat, and there's no denying that she's fat and she's beautiful.
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And I'm like, uh-huh, okay, I'll try it.
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And then, of course, first episode all the food in her refrigerator has little post-it notes.
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This post-it notes, this is too fattening.
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This is all chocolate.
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This is no, no, no.
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I'm like that's not good.
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That's very tired.
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It's been done a couple million times and I couldn't even watch it anymore because it's so trite.
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Yeah, I think what these folks that are making these shows you know, obviously they're very popular people, they have a following.
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You have the opportunity to really be an ally and change the narrative and yet you still go back to that same old, tired playbook.
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And it's disappointing because you could gain an audience in which your business would thrive, and it's just sad to see that they don't recognize that or that they don't care Fat people are extremely loyal.
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I mean, I know, every time I go to the mall I stop by Lane Bryant.
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You know it's like if you have that kind of brand you're going to have so many loyal clients.
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But it's like we always do two steps forward, one step back.
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Two steps forward, one step back.
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It's like things are going great and then all of a sudden, ozempic hits the world, you know, and then we're like making in rows and people are stopped talking about dieting.
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And then all of a sudden, here comes Ozempic.
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Now all of the media is about dieting again.
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Right, well, and media controls so much of our societal understanding and the impact that it has is enormous.
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So it's like if you have those opportunities, you could be somebody who changes it.
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You could be somebody who permanently changes the narrative, so that way there's more and more and more of it which is the direction we were going, and then all of a sudden it's it's not anymore.
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But it's like this is where it changes, like, yeah, we can have all these anti-diet things, we can have all these things out there that we are, that we, the fat community, push out to try to help change the narrative.
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But the more allies we have that are putting things out and creating shows and creating things to make it, to normalize the fact that what the average body size in America is 14, 12, 18.
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Great, even better, the fact that that is the truth but that's not what we see just continues to keep this narrative going and it's just so problematic and so harmful.
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We're the majority, y'all.
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I was at a leadership conference on one of the things that one of the seminars was about anti-racism in health care and the speaker explained that allies are one of the most powerful tools to utilize to change things, because the majority of people won't listen to the minority that is being stepped upon.
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But if you have an ally that has a base, that has a following and they choose to speak on the issue that you have, you're more likely to get a more positive response and someone that will actually listen to the message.
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And so to hear, like you know, we're seeing this resurgence of diet culture.
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We're seeing this resurgence of just like influencers being disgusting and pushing, you know, wellness quote unquote, you know all this kind of stuff where it's just like you're feeding us the same shit in a different package.
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Well, they say right.
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anti-fatness is rooted in white supremacy, like almost everything, and yeah, it gets a little it's so annoying.
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One of the things I was thinking of with this resurgence is the Victoria's Secret fashion show.
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It is back, baby, with those little angel wings and all the skinny girls walking the runway, and here comes Ashley Graham which is amazing Our one normal bodied person.
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Yes, she's gorgeous but she is not what we're talking about when we're talking about fat liberation.
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What we're talking about when we're talking about fat liberation and Victoria's Secret is well known for their problematic behavior, the lack of inclusion in their sizing.
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Not too long ago, before COVID started, there was a big push to say, hey, you know, you need to include plus-size bodies, and they were very much like fingers in the air.
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We don't care Then.
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Now we're back to it and it's the same shit in a different package.
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And I'm not hating on Ashley Graham.
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I think she's fabulous.
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I think it's a great start for opening people's eyes.
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But when we're talking about a major brand like Victoria's Secret that has the audience to do good and they choose not to, you're setting everybody back she was on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
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That was very exciting, but they don't really show people who have an apple-shaped body or a kiwi-shaped body.
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I don't really like the shrewd analogy, but it paints a picture.
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When you're listening to a podcast.
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She looks like an hourglass and so, yeah, she's a bigger hourglass, but she's still an hourglass, and a lot of us aren't.
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A lot of us have more fat in the middle.
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We don't have the waistline or you know whatever, and or the booty, you know she does, but um, yeah, it's.
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Um, it's unfortunate because they went away for a little while and now they're just going to be come back like nothing ever happened.
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I don't know we're still paying attention.
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I could still look all that shit up.
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It's still google.
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Google-able.
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Well, I mean, that's what happens when anybody faces anything, because that's kind of how right Hollywood and whatnot works.
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It's like, oh crap, I'm in trouble, I'm going to go away for a little while and then I'll just come back and they'll forget what happened, because you know, the memory is not great.
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I think you should say that, ashley.
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There's one little, uh fat influencer, that, who said that they were gonna go away for a little bit and then has come back and lost a lot of weight.
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Oh, do tell who made that beamer.
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Um, her name starts with an l has some z's in it Um her name starts with an L has some Z's in it.
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Oh, does it rhyme with shizzo?
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Yes, so Lizzo has gotten into some trouble.
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There was some statements made from people in her camp that said, you know, she was not being kind about body sizes and sexual stuff, which was disappointing.
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But I think all of us kind of took a step back and said, well, let her, you know, let her address this.
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And she didn't.
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And the response was I'm going to take a break.
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So she took a break and I think she's still supposed to be in that break, like from recording or you know, doing anything other than she's still supposed to be in that break like from recording, or you know, doing anything other than she's back on social media showing us that she has a new diet and it includes meat and all these things that she wasn't doing cheese and proteins and all this stuff because she was vegan and now she's lost a bunch of weight and is doing these videos of what she has as her diet.
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It's very disordered, eating-esque to me.
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I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist, but the moment you get that obsessed about food and also I see what I see for her a lot is exercising and her workout and that kind of thing, which is, you know, fantastic.
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Good on you.
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If you like moving, go for it, but it all seems a little problematic, you know.
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Well, and I just don't understand the need to show what you're eating like that.
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You know she did that when she was vegan, don't get me wrong.
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You know she was showing that like, oh, you can do, but people hadn't really seen vegan food like that and so that was different.
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But now we're back to that same old playbook of the nonsense of oh, this is what I eat, and she hasn't said like, well, I've lost all this weight, but she's like I'm feeling better and I'm and everyone's on.
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You know all the anti-fatness rhetoric of you're on Ozempic, this is not real, blah, blah, blah.
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So even even if she isn't on those things and all of that, she's still promoting the culture of being on a diet and doing.
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You know, doing this for kind of like shoving it in the face of the fat liberation community that she built her audience on.
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She sure did yeah, um, yeah I mean, her whole company is based on that, like all of her queer clothing, like everything was based on fat babes, it being okay to be big and being beautiful and it not.
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You're not needing to fix anything and it's like oh, I'm so much better now that I'm smaller.
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And she does all hard work and discipline.
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Right.
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That's what all the celebrities that go on Ozempic or Majorna or whatever or Govee hard work and discipline, then later they go.
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Okay, well, actually I was using Ozempic, they're embarrassed about it, or whatever.
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I'm like, you know what you do you.
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It's your body, but don't act like it was all hard work and discipline.
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Come on now, just be truthful.
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You're just you're sell.
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You're selling shit like.
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You're just not being transparent and the audience will find that we live in a age where you can't hide that stuff.
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Like that's going to come to light.
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You've told someone you know like you have a publicist or you have a whatever, and you're going to come to light.
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You've told someone you know like you have a publicist or you have a whatever and you're going to do something at some point.
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That's going to piss that person off.
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And then here comes the entire sordid details and it's just like OK, well, you know, we all sat on the sidelines and watched this happen.
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Yet how many other people were influenced by that and harmed from you making those decisions?
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To state those things.
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She does have a platform, and so when you have a platform, you got to be really aware what you're putting out there, because you could be harming people and it could cause disordered eating or eating disorders in people If they.
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First we felt like we're supposed to be, you know, like we were supposed to love our bodies and feel beautiful at our size, and then suddenly you're thinner.
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Well, so you're just bullshitting us yeah, but I'll take all that money.
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Yeah, exactly, that's happened a lot and you know the 15 years or so that I've been involved in fat liberation I am.
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At the beginning.
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I had a hard time, you know, trying to reconcile with, like when Gabourey Sivide had her weight loss surgery.
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Again, it's her body to do whatever she wants.
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I think she's an amazing actress, I love her, I love following her and her twins and stuff.
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But it's like, okay, how do I feel about this?
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Because she was kind of like making money maybe not quite as directly as some of these other people, these other influencers, but she had a big following of fatties and it was so nice to see someone fat and black on television, on mainstream TV, so rare and then all of a sudden not that she's thin now either, but it was a big deal when she had her weight loss surgery.
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And they're like any intentional weight loss is really considered anti-fat.
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Now, if you lose weight because you're sick or you whatever change in your life, but if you're like going out there, definitely you want to make your body smaller, well then you're saying that fat bodies are not relevant and fat bodies are not okay.
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And I don't understand why there's this need to show that.
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You know, like I don't know how many times I've seen people do before and after photos and it's like, if this is about health, if this is about whatever it is you're claiming to be, I want to feel better, I want whatever.
00:19:56.330 --> 00:19:58.537
Then post the picture of yourself.
00:19:58.537 --> 00:20:00.407
Now I'm feeling great.
00:20:00.407 --> 00:20:02.973
Look at I'm doing this, I'm feeling good.
00:20:02.973 --> 00:20:03.596
Blah, blah, blah.
00:20:03.596 --> 00:20:04.986
I don't need to see.
00:20:04.986 --> 00:20:07.231
I was here and now I'm here.
00:20:07.231 --> 00:20:09.117
Because guess what?
00:20:09.117 --> 00:20:21.650
At some point you're going to either get to that middle ground between those two pictures or you're going to go back to the fat picture and you're telling everybody that your worth is different from here to here.
00:20:21.650 --> 00:20:30.116
And I'm just sick and tired of hearing that constant messaging of it's about my health, it's about my health.
00:20:30.116 --> 00:20:32.467
Well, if it was about your health, there would be no comparison.
00:20:33.409 --> 00:20:35.413
You would just simply be posting a picture of yourself.
00:20:36.375 --> 00:20:39.387
I think what makes me sad because I see that a lot.
00:20:39.387 --> 00:20:45.748
I think in general we say that a lot with women, and I have seen it the most myself with men.
00:20:45.748 --> 00:21:00.730
Like I have a lot of male friends, cis male friends who are very near and dear to me, who only feel like they're valuable if they are smaller.
00:21:00.730 --> 00:21:27.492
They don't feel like they're valuable at their size, they don't feel like they're sexy at their size, and I have so many, so many before and afters and so many long stories and diatribes about how, when they were fatter, no women would talk to them and then, as soon as they started losing weight, all of a sudden women talked to them, which is reinforcing the stereotype and this idea and this narrative in their minds that they're only valuable when they're smaller.
00:21:27.492 --> 00:21:29.396
They have to fit a certain stereotype.
00:21:29.396 --> 00:21:41.030
And so I think and I'm saying this as a segue because you know we we talk a lot about, we've talked about these influencers who are losing weight and making that kind of again their their whole platform.
00:21:41.231 --> 00:21:57.509
But there are some other people out there, and even for men, who are doing this and doing it well and showing it a positive, a positivity to the fact that they are fat and they can be hot in a fat body and it's not.
00:21:57.509 --> 00:21:58.270
Like it's not.
00:21:58.270 --> 00:22:03.148
Oh well, it's okay, Cause he's a fat hot guy, but I'm a fat guy and I'm not hot.
00:22:03.148 --> 00:22:04.593
No, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.
00:22:04.593 --> 00:22:08.872
Like it is hot, it doesn't matter, Like that's not, that's not the thing, it's not.
00:22:08.872 --> 00:22:10.556
Like, oh, he's got a prettier face than you.
00:22:10.556 --> 00:22:13.262
Like, drop that You're.
00:22:13.262 --> 00:22:18.114
You're hot because you're hot Doesn't matter that your body is fat or not.
00:22:18.114 --> 00:22:35.434
But we have, we found these guys and I want Murph, I want you to tell me about them, because I want you to tell everyone about them, because the hot fat guy club sounds amazing and I think that everyone should have a hot fat guy club Like that just sounds great, you know he's on Tik TOK.
00:22:35.815 --> 00:22:51.534
Um, he has he's a very progressive, um smart, kind um influencer and um he has the hot fat guy club and um, will you know, address anti-fatness.
00:22:51.534 --> 00:22:57.500
When he sees it he has really positive messaging out to people.
00:22:57.500 --> 00:23:02.105
He'll be like hey, what's up, all you fat sexy motherfuckers, let's go, let's get that bread today.
00:23:02.105 --> 00:23:29.598
You know like he's motivating, he's, he's got a good sense of humor and I think it's been a really positive influence for not only just fat liberationists in general, but especially for individuals who identify as male, because you don't have a lot of fat influencers that are readily out there talking about the things that affect the individuals who identify as male.
00:23:29.598 --> 00:23:32.250
It's just not one of those things You'll hear.
00:23:32.250 --> 00:23:37.327
Hear them say like it's just about the fat females, like that's the only thing they're talking about, or blah, blah, blah.
00:23:37.327 --> 00:23:38.130
He doesn't do that.
00:23:38.130 --> 00:23:46.365
He just says like let's talk about all the fat people, but especially the ones that identify as male, y'all think we have it bad when it comes to buying clothes.
00:23:46.767 --> 00:23:47.969
You should see what it's like out there.
