Transcript
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From sassy fashion truths to sultry book recs.
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Today's guest is bringing the curves, the charisma and the closet of your dreams.
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We're joined by Marie Dene, the one and only curvy fashionista, to chat about fat fashion, fabulous finds and the journey from blog to media empire.
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Grab your glitter fluff, that werewolf fur and get comfy.
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This episode's got style, sass and just the right amount of smutty spice.
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Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.
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I'm Crystal, I'm Murph.
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We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.
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We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community, cannabis, cbd you name it.
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We're going to talk about it.
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We are very excited to have you a part of our community.
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Welcome and enjoy.
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Hey everybody, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.
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My name is Crystal and I'm here with my beautiful and amazing co-host, murph Hi.
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Murph Hi, we also have a very special guest for all of you today.
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You're going to be just in love with this guest because she's so fabulous and funny.
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And are you from the Bay?
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Marie, originally.
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No, I'm actually a military brat, so I'm, you know, I am a SoCal girl.
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I am a Cali girl, yeah, but I did live and start my business up in the Bay Area, okay, cool.
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So for those of you who don't know, we have Marie here today, marie Dene of the Curvy Fashionista.
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In fact, I would say she is the Curvy Fashionista.
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Welcome, marie.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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It's been a minute and I'm so glad to see your face.
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I know I miss your face.
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Love it.
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When did you start the Curvy Fashionista blog?
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Okay, so we've gone through multiple different iterations.
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Right now, I started TCF in 2008, in December of 2008, because, like I had initially had started it before, but I published my first article in 2008 of December.
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And now TCF has evolved from a blog to a digital media platform, to a digital media publication, so it's kind of grown a bit over these past 16, almost 17 years.
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Wow, that's great Wow.
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That's fantastic.
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I was going to say.
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I remember it from back in the day and it's only gotten better.
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So that's so cool.
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Yeah, Thank you.
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Yeah, I branch out in all kinds of ways.
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I was telling the girls last night, or I shared with them via email, that I found a Google alert that had a link to your one of your newest articles about five romance writers that write romance articles about fat girls.
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You have all kinds of different stuff on your site now.
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It's so interesting I love it.
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Well, you know that was intentional, right, because you know I'm I'm about to be 44 this year and I had a moment where I was thinking to myself, like I am more than just clothes, like there's more layers to a woman than just like how she shows up.
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You know, we have our hobbies.
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We love the things we nerd out about, like I love playing my word games, but also I love to read.
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Like I have an app on my phone and give me all of the werewolf romance books yes, I'm currently reading one right now.
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I need all the spicy dance.
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Like, if it doesn't give me spice, I'm irritated.
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Um and so for me, I thought about, like well, how does the curvy fashion needs to show up in everyday life?
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So for me it was important.
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I kind of took a step back and thought like okay, there's wellness.
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I love to walk in the mornings.
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I haven't in a minute, but I, you know, I, I do, I did love that, right.
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And then I think about, you know her, how does she date?
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I started dating recently.
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I'd start.
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You know I was going on a mission.
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I was like all on the apps I'm no longer on them, but I was, you know, you know, and so like I think about these things that are like reflective in in life.
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And it's hilarious because I still get emails from from folks, from women who are like I need to see stuff around someone who's over 40, and I'm like that's me, like we're talking about these things and sometimes and I think we have to kind of have that conversation where the perspective of like what 40 looks like has changed, because she looks younger now and I think we're thinking or expecting like, uh, I don't know what we're expecting, but all I know is like I'm all like let's talk about it.
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So I've started introducing additional topics lifestyle topics and and have different writers like kind of like when they're in their lane to speak about some of these things, because it's important.
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For sure.
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Yeah, whenever I think of someone who's 57, which is how old I am I think of someone much, much older looking.
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I mean, first of all, I feel like I'm 25 inside, so there's that, but I'm like 57?
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I thought 57-year-olds had gray hair and wrinkly skin.
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The perspective.
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Yeah, and definitely when I was a kid I thought 50 was old.
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Well, and I think I wonder how much of that is.
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We grew up in the age where, you know, the 50, 40 year olds didn't talk about perimenopause and menopause and all those things, and so I think there was just kind of this sense of like you go old, you don't talk about those, you don't say those things.
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And then we get to 40 and 50 and we're like wait, what, this isn't old, you don't talk about those, you don't say those things.
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And then we get to 40 and 50 and we're like wait what, this isn't old, this isn't no, this isn't the same thing, but nobody's talked about it.
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Yeah, also F.
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All of you that didn't tell me all about perimenopause before I got into it, or menopause Now I tell everybody.
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In fact, I'm starting my first progesterone pill tonight.
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Well, good on you.
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Now you got to keep us all abreast on what to expect from the side effects.
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What I need is less brain fog.
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Okay, I need to remember my words.
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Those are the two big things I want for my progesterone.
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Absolutely Well, and Marie, I just I loved that article because I have so many women in my lives that are plus size that identify as curvy love we call it smut, but love the smut and you don't have a lot of representation in those types of books.
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And so to branch out to show that full self on your blog and through your digital platforms.
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I think that hits on so many different levels because we are multifaceted but things haven't been made for us or haven't represented our stories.
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So I've already shared that with like a multitude of people.
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You know, when I do find a book and this app that I read.
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I appreciate this app because it has like a range of different types of authors who write different types of books and there's they actually included an author who had um, two different series, like I think something about like f-bombs, seals love f-bombs or f-bombs love seals or something.
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It was like all the seal like major, like buff, like ex seals that love their curvy women and I was like, oh, like, like what is this?
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And it was a series of like six books and I was like I love this.
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And then there was another book and it was by a completely different author but it was another series and it was about um, plus size women and like their identity with being plus and having relationships.
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Like, oh, this man couldn't really be into me, but then they have that one, that one girlfriend, that one plus size girlfriend was like why wouldn't they be into me?
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So it was just like such a great to find that type of content.
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You know, to find that type of content.
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And even, um, a book I read earlier today was like you know, this curvy short, you know she's got more, you know she didn't.
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She was nothing like a typical kind of werewolf girl, but like some of the physicalities I was like, oh, I can recognize.
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Now, the only thing that I do find that runs really short is like the lack of diversity from skin tone, right, so it's always the white, blonde hair, blue eye, and whenever they go into those descriptions I really scan really fast because I'm like don't ruin my, don't ruin my, my fantasy, because I'm over here like I'm visualizing and I think like that's where you know there's still much more room for improvement, but but still it's it's.
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You know, on one hand it's like, okay, curvy girl, and on the other hand it's like, okay, but I, I need a black, curvy girl.
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Like you know, give me that kind of.
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So it's just interesting and I find that the more I lean into my newfound hobbies, the more that it allows me to open up the different levels or the different variations or verticals for TCF everywhere.
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I want all of it.
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I don't just want to hear about blonde what do they call it?
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Like Coke bottle shaped, curvy girls that are blonde hair and blue eyes.
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They're all beautiful, but, yeah, I want more.
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I live in a world that's very diverse.
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I need my characters to be diverse so I can actually feel like I'm really in the story.
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Correct, I agree.
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Do you read about the fairies and stuff that?
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do you like that sometimes, sometimes these wolf, sometimes these wolf books, like you know, the alpha and the beta.
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And then there's like, uh, you know the mate is like half hybrid, she's like half wolf, half fairy, half wolf, half witch, or she doesn't know that she's like an uber special wolf.
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I am so ingrained in tennis it's like really freaking hilarious.
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Like I will sit and tell my mom about, give her the whole breakdown about a story and she's just listening like, and I'm like, mom, I know you don't care.
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So thank you for thank you for you know, yeah, hearing me and making me feel like this story is everything yeah, hearing me and and making me feel like this story is everything.
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You know, I met you via tigris, who comes up on almost every one of our episodes of our podcast.
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But you know, tigris is really into the fairy and the fae and she does a lot of, uh, cosplay with the fairies and stuff like that.
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Did you know that?
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no, I actually have a.
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I actually have a tattoo of a fairy.
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I am very much into fairies.
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um, I have been wrestling with wanting to get a new tattoo, um, about like a phoenix rising from the ashes, and so I kind of want to akin it like I'm all well.
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What if, like, the phoenix is more fairy?
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Like you know, in my head that's like what I'm already thinking.
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Or I'm like, what can I do with the one tattoo I already have, like, how can I make her a little bit more dope?
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Because I got her when I was 18.
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And, like I said, I'm about to be 44.
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So it's, like you know, on black skin, she needs a touch-up, she needs a, you know, a zhuzh.
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So I don't know, you know, for me it's's just like I'm in such transition and flux, like I'm, I'm really excited about it, but I, I want to make sure, like once, I because you know it's a commitment when you do a tattoo- you should see murph's tattoo, her disney tattoo yeah, I have a giant ursula that covers my left thigh I love it.
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I'm already in love with it.
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She's gorgeous.
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Yeah, and it's got.
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She's got flotsam and jetsam uh around her.
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It's really cute oh, I love it.
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Look at you and ashley and her husband both got new tattoos yesterday of curvy girls.
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They're beautiful beautiful my sister and her husband get coordinating tattoos, and so I'm like I can't wait to be married and swept up and in love.
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And so I can be like, hey, boo, let's go get some coordinating tattoos Not matching, but coordinating Absolutely.
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There's a story behind it, right?
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I want those kind of things.
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Marie, I see you and your future partner having coordinated outfits, Like if you're getting dressed up, you're going to coordinate somehow or another.
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I have a feeling.
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I don't know, I don't know if I'd want that, because, like I had an equal and him and his wife would always match, like down to his he would have a do rag on, that would be like the matching color of his suit and she would be like in the matching color of like all the things, and I'd just be like, okay, that's overkill.
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I don't know if I you know.
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So I find myself kind of like shying away from them, like I would, yes, in a coordination, but very subtle.
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But you have really great taste.
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I'm sure it would be wonderful.
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So tell us how.
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What inspired you to start the Curvy Fashionista?
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I know in the beginning it was more about fashion.
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I know you've definitely expanded your platform, but so you wanted to help people who are people of size learn about more fashion and style.
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Well, keeping it 100, like I actually wanted to start.
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I wanted to open up a boutique.
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So I was in my MBA program while I was up in Oakland and I had learned that blogs were, at that time, web logs, and I learned at that time that they were more of a marketing tool rather than a platform within and of itself.
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So for me, what I ended up doing was like, okay, well, this will be a tool to use while I open up my online boutique and from there, you know, whatever.
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And so when man plans, god laughs.
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And so I had launched, in 2009, my online boutique.
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I called it Marie Denae, but what I found, what I figured out from that, is that I was not a superwoman.
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I could not do all the things.
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I could not.
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Run an online boutique and do.
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The TCF, the Caribbean Fashionista, was taking off quicker than this online boutique was, and I was like, okay, it's time to close this and put all my resources into TCF.
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And so that's like literally all it took Like I just ended up.
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You know, I only lasted like one season of the boutique and literally dove headfirst into being a resource, providing resources, shining light on these indie designers that I was finding like all the way in France and in Australia and, and you know, and bringing them to the forefront for plus size women to to be able to shop contemporary, fashion forward pieces.
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Because at that time I had worked at Bloomingdale's, right, and so at the time I was working with all of these like high-end designers and I was like, where is the plus size equivalent of this?
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And when I would have plus size women come in, um, there were tons where I had to send them over to Nordstrom's to shop Rachel Pally at the time, or, or I would have to redirect or give the resources that I found online through my site Right, and so it was like it was.
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It was such an interesting journey and I realized you know, nothing happens by accident.
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So like I needed to go through like that kind of realization.
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I was in sales and then I was in management and so like for me it allowed for me to kind of fine tune how I wanted to help the plus size consumer, how I wanted to be a resource, so like that's kind of what contributed to it, to it all.
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Good instincts, though, too, and also when you're a small business owner or indie business owner, you have to be able to move quickly and iterate and change whatever you got to do.
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Yep, that's so awesome.
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So then, did you start right away doing like the affiliates, or did that come later?
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It came later and you know I smile because it was a memory that you just completely unlocked for me.
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I had gone to different blogging conferences and I remember the conversation around AdSense like that was a display ad option at that time and I remember how it took me like a year to get like a hundred dollars via AdSense and I was like, oh my god, like like okay, I know that there's something here, I know that there's something here and I've, you know, I've been very, very, very fortunate and very blessed that like, even though I had gone kind of like full-time with this since 2009, like that, I, you know, I ended up moving back home to Southern California in 2010 to move back home with my mom.
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I was there for maybe about a year and then I got this gig with Chevy.
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Like they found me on Twitter, girl Old school Twitter, right, where you would respond to people who had the eggs as their profile, like that kind of old school had the eggs as their profile, like that kind of old school, and from there then that kind of gave me like a how do you say a boost or the revenue for me.
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Like I then moved in and became I had a roommate, um, and I just kind of started growing baby step from there.
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I didn't have a game plan, I didn't have a roadmap, I didn't have blueprint, I didn't have goals, that I was just like let's see what it goes.
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I have no idea.
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Do you like?
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Nobody knew Um, and so from there it's like a lot of trial and error.
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So cool, Did you go ahead Sorry.
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Murph Just in to be a resource for so many folks.
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I just remember trying to find things on the internet back in the day and it wasn't like, okay, hey, let's get all this information and keep it in one section for this niche group of people.
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It was just kind of like a smattering of stuff that you had to kind of go and look for.
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I remember your blog just being the first time where it was like oh, I remember your blog just being the first time where it was like, oh, it's all laid out right here, like it just made it so convenient for folks.
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Did you, did you get that kind of feedback?
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Did you?
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Did that help refine?
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You know how you built the site?
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Yes, it did.
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And it was like intentional Right, because, like in my head I would go, there was Lucky Right and Lucky had all these different brands and all this different content, but there was nothing specific for the plus size consumer.
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And I was like I want to, like you know what was at that point, what was Monique C or Jabri or Crystal Frazier doing in the plus, you know, for plus size fashion?
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What were you know Lane Bryant Tour Attraction Figure.
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Ashley Stewart Like what were they know lane bryant tour attraction figure.
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Ashley stewart like what were they delivering to the consumer?
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I wanted to be able to bring an editorial eye, a contemporary eye, to things.
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You know, if I'm rounding up, at that point there was evans and simply be in navabi, all these uk and international brands that were serving the plus size consumer.
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And I was like, well, let me let these girls know what's going on here, and so that could became my jam.
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Like that's the kind of what motivated me.
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And then from there, hearing the responses, hearing the feedback, it allowed for me to kind of continue to fine tunetune.
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You know, that's why now, when we do roundups, we always list size ranges.
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I purposely don't include pricing, but that's on.
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That's on purpose, because I don't want people to negate the price for the options that exist you know, and and then the discovery of brand.
00:20:25.790 --> 00:20:35.325
I don't want someone to feel like to prohibit them from even exploring this brand because they know that it's you know, quote unquote expensive or out of their budget.
00:20:35.325 --> 00:20:40.669
It's about knowing what's available, what to aspire to, what to look.
00:20:40.669 --> 00:20:41.372
You know what I'm saying?
00:20:41.372 --> 00:20:43.441
Like, just like the, how they have in straight sizes.
00:20:43.441 --> 00:20:49.015
Absolutely I'm not going to spend $500 on a straight size dress one I can't get it, but two.
00:20:49.015 --> 00:20:53.224
Like I just don't want to spend 500 on a dress right now.
00:20:53.224 --> 00:20:56.392
But if I did, I'm gonna watch the sale.
00:20:56.392 --> 00:20:57.961
I'm gonna watch how to go on.
00:20:57.961 --> 00:21:02.809
Like I'm gonna learn what that stores or that brand sales cycle is.
00:21:02.809 --> 00:21:05.054
So I know, okay, let me watch it.
00:21:05.779 --> 00:21:05.920
Yeah.
00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:10.011
Nowadays you can just put stuff in your cart and hold it into your cart until it goes on sale.
00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:21.510
Right and you know nowadays right and so, but we talk about that, we talk about that process, we talk about like, if you dream about it, make it yours, you know it's.
00:21:21.612 --> 00:21:33.184
It's certain things that, like you know, we, I think, at times, as place size women, we negate to consider or think about in terms of worth and value.
00:21:33.184 --> 00:22:00.875
You know, we could spend easily that money on a handbag, on makeup, on skincare, on hair care, but when it comes to clothes, that same level of that same value of investing in what's good and investing in quality kind of is a disconnect because we haven't had a lot of options or or the ability to to test and feel and see them because we can see them online.
00:22:00.875 --> 00:22:08.659
But seeing them online versus understanding the hand, the touch, oh, I can see why this costs, you know, X, Y, Z dollars.
00:22:08.659 --> 00:22:18.663
Well, I can see why this makes you know what I'm saying Like we don't have that experience because of the accessibility, or the lack of accessibility in plus size fashion.
00:22:18.663 --> 00:22:32.143
So we have just relied upon reviews, conversations, education, you know, social media to give us that feedback, and so if I have that knowledge, I'm going to share it.
00:22:32.924 --> 00:22:38.679
Yeah, I was trying to remember what brought me to the Curvy Fashionista originally, and there were two things.
00:22:38.679 --> 00:23:03.884
I can remember my niece trying to find a prom dress she was 17 years old and curvy and the other thing is I remember specifically spending a lot of time looking for bras For me bras that were cute, that were not just matronly and beige and full of like wires and hooks and I remember spending a lot of time on the curvy fashionista looking for those two things way back, way, way way back yeah, that was.
00:23:04.005 --> 00:23:11.699
I mean, I think it had to be way back when I probably was like one of the first brands I found was like lomi lingerie alone lingerie, I would.
00:23:11.699 --> 00:23:31.082
They were one of the first brands that I found that did editorial photo shoots of plus size women in bra and panties that were like beautiful bras, like she was on a train, train, car and she was just like and I'm like okay, girl, like I don't know what situation is happening here, but like, like yes.
00:23:32.144 --> 00:23:33.105
It was so rare back then.
00:23:33.988 --> 00:23:47.021
Right, it was so rare, and so that's why I featured these brands, you know, and their editorials, because it gave a negative perspective, or gave a perspective in plus size fashion, that we just never got a chance to see ourselves in that way.
00:23:48.317 --> 00:23:50.835
And I've really seen it, you know, change over time.
00:23:50.835 --> 00:23:54.846
I'm curious what are your thoughts on fast fashion for plus size folks?
00:23:55.875 --> 00:24:00.180
So it's like, how do you say a double edged sword?
00:24:00.180 --> 00:24:00.980
Right?
00:24:00.980 --> 00:24:09.030
Because society culturally has like prioritized this need for fast fashion.
00:24:09.030 --> 00:24:21.492
For fast fashion, there's been a lack of the explanation of why certain things were like you know the importance and the value of a slip, right, why was a slip created, or you know it?
00:24:21.492 --> 00:24:40.817
Or pantyhose with control tap, like all of those, those reasons why they were there have been removed and it's more about like doing what you want and feeling how you want to feel, because those were seen as constructs to, or they were seen as like tools of like adhering to society.
00:24:40.817 --> 00:24:50.682
You know, cold societies, whatever, but it served a purpose in how your clothes wore on your body and that's what's kind of been missing.
00:24:51.203 --> 00:24:54.736
And so, when it comes to fast fashion, I'm a fabric snob.
00:24:54.736 --> 00:25:11.423
I need things to sit like, to feel good on me, and it's funny because I also need my things to last for a while and be able to be worn a couple of different ways and a couple of different styles, depending on my mood.
00:25:11.423 --> 00:25:26.384
And so, when it comes to fast fashion, it's frustrating because oftentimes it's the only available last minute option, because when you think about fast fashion, you know, rest in peace forever 21,.
00:25:26.384 --> 00:25:39.159
Like they were one of the only you know, one of the few places you could go when you needed something, especially if you was trying to be cute with your girlfriends or go on a date or need something for whatever reason that you could go to.
00:25:39.159 --> 00:25:41.786
It was one of the only few places you know.
00:25:41.786 --> 00:25:49.247
We don't have an express version of for plus size fashion, right, we don't have a.
00:25:49.247 --> 00:26:04.653
I mean, lane Bryant and Torrid exist, but they are so few and far between in terms of physical locations Lane Bryant pulled out of all the malls, torrid sits right next to them at all these strip places so it's like it makes it really challenging.
00:26:04.653 --> 00:26:09.686
And then, on top of everything else, like if Lane Bryant and Torrid ain't your style, like you're screwed.
00:26:09.686 --> 00:26:16.258
Toward HL style, like you're screwed.
00:26:16.278 --> 00:26:31.759
So sometimes fashion, fast fashion has solved a need where they found a lot of like the contemporary, better um fashion brands were missing for this plus size consumer and while it's smart, like from a business standpoint, it's like frustrating because you still have folks like me.
00:26:31.759 --> 00:26:33.244
I still want my shit.