Dear Reader,
The following blog has been edited to more accurately reflect the podcast discussion on polyamory. Big Sexy Chat apologizes for any confusion caused by the previously posted misinformation.
Big Sexy Chat
Myths Surrounding Polyamory dispelled with Sydney, one of our local rad fatties.
People talk about polygamy all the time, but polyamory is rarely discussed in mainstream media. We talk about it in my podcast titled "Dispelling polyamorous myths with Sydney".
Polyamory is a non-monogamous relationship wherein people have multiple partners with all parties' consenting. It is governed by radical honesty and transparency among all partners. It falls under a category of relationships widely known as ENM, fully known as Ethical Non-Monogamy. The word polyamory comes from the Latin word, "poly" and the French word "amore," together creating the meaning "many loves,". Anyone can be polyamorous, thin, fat, old, young, etc., as long as all parties enthusiastically consent.
Polyamorous relationships can be comprised of various dynamics such as:
Solo polyamory wherein individuals engage in multiple relationships without a primary partner thereby maintaining their independence. This dynamic has also been referred to as satellite polyamory.
Polyfidelity is a form of polyamory where a group of three or more people has a relationship with each other and do not engage in any relationship outside their circle.
Non-hierarchical polyamory is a dynamic wherein there is no hierarchy among the members of the relationship or polycule. Every member of the polycule gets equal and fair treatment, say, and consideration regardless of the length of time each member has been engaged in the relationship. This type of dynamic is also often referred to as Kitchen Table polyamory.
The distinction between polyamory and swinging
Many people tend to confuse polyamory and swinging. The distinction is simple. Polyamory is just as its etymology suggests: more than one love or relationship. Whereas swinging is sex focused and is not about cultivating or maintaining relationships beyond the specific sexual encounter. There's absolutely nothing wrong with swinging. In fact, swinging is considered a form of Ethical Non-monogamy and many polyamorous people engage in swinging but; as many folk know, it is possible to have sex without having a relationship.
The misconceptions people have about polyamory.
Myth#1. Polyamory is not different from cheating.
Polyamorous partners are transparent and radically honest about their dealings with their partners. It takes intentional communication for any union of polyamory to function in a healthy manner. However, because the core of cheating is deceit, it is possible for cheating to occur in polyamorous relationships. You can't have radical honesty if there's deceit- that's true in any relationship style or dynamic.
Myth#2. Polyamorous individuals are scared of commitment.
One might say that polyamory requires more commitment because of the number of people involved. As with any relationship, maintenance is required. Ask anyone who's ever been in any relationship if they're willing to maintain something they're not committed to and you're sure to hear a firm No. This, again, is true of polyamory but on a multiple partnered scale.
Myth#3. True intimacy is a fleeting in polyamorous unions.
Many people think having intimacy in polyamorous relationships is elusive or difficult to attain; however, according to those who practice it, like Sydney, our podcast guest. It takes a great deal of intimacy to stay the course because of the high level of communication and vulnerability as a result of the radical honesty elements.
Myth#4. Jealousy doesn't exist within polyamorous relationships.
Jealousy exists in polyamory just as it does in any relationship structure. However, polyamorous folk deal with it a bit differently from those in monogamous relationships. Since jealousy is borne from insecurity it is regarded as an opportunity to self-examine and not a reason to end the relationship. Sydney says she doesn't feel jealousy and that it's not an emotion she's ever been prone to but; she recognizes it in others. She says she tries to show grace to her partners whenever they've been struggling with jealousy by reassuring them that she is still committed to the relationship. Jealousy is a natural emotion that shouldn't be demonized but should be addressed with kindness and compassion.
Myth#5. Multiple partners could be psychologically harmful to kids.
Currently, there is insufficient research on the correlation between polyamory and its impact on children. However, some level of research indicates that exposure to polyamorous dynamics has no different impact on children than blended families created as a result of divorce. Sydney, recommends that thorough vetting of any prospective partners be employed before introducing anyone to kids and; she points out that this practice would be true with any relationship style where children are concerned.
Myth#6 People in polyamorous relationships are just in it for the sex.
Again, polyamory, just as the etymology of the name indicates, is about multiple loves not multiple sex partners. There are polyamorous relationships that are platonic or between people who are asexual. Sydney points out that she has a non-sexual relationship with her female partner whom she regards as a wife because of the deeply emotional intimacy between them. People who are solely interested in sexual encounters with multiple partners should seek out swinging but do so without confusing it with polyamory.
Polyamory isn't for everyone. Monogamy isn't for everyone. Find and practice the relationship style that best suits you, your needs, and your enthusiastically consenting partner(s). Regardless of your relationship style preferences, let love be the unifying element.
